Day 14 - Anger and Frustrated when Hypoglycemic

It is quite common for diabetics to experience themselves as frustrated while they go through periods of hypogylycemia. I've experienced this myself many times. I would feel a low coming on or feel low in that moment and have to take myself away from what it was that I was doing in that moment to concentrate my efforts to go get something to eat, so in that one moment I would storm out of my room or move with haste to go get something to eat, and if anyone or anything got in my way and delayed me from getting something to eat I would blow up at them and experience myself as completely angry and frustrated at that person or thing for delaying me, for even a second, from getting the substance that I needed in that moment. In addition to walking/moving with haste there is another point of confusion and disorientation and the only thing that one wants to focus on when low is getting to that food, and one cannot effectively concentrate on much more then that, so if someone were to take me off track from focusing my efforts to go get food I would, again, blow up at them, because I was focused on that one sole point of getting food, and when someone would take my concentration away from getting food I would, again, blow up at them with frustration and anger for distracting me.

One thing to mention about frustration and anger in relation to being hypoglycemic is that in order for self to get angry and frustrated the anger and frustration would already have to exist in the first place. And as I take a look at it now I see that I never blew up at people who I did not know, mainly it was family members, people in my life whom I have allowed small reactions of frustration and anger to build up over the time that I interacted with them, so this is a cool point to see who/what/where self has developed and built up reactions to people because it certainly is hard to control those reactions when your low, it just comes out and bursts from within.

In the first paragraph I mentioned the need to remove self from whatever self is doing within a moment to go and get something to eat. Now this is where I see the frustration/irritation/anger residing from. As I take a look at myself when I would go low and need to take myself away from watching a movie or take myself away from doing a responsibility or take myself away from working, that initial point of needing to remove myself from an experience was the starting point of the frustration and anger and irritation. There was always a reaction within myself of not simply being able to sit down and watch something and enjoy it without being taken away from the experience or being taken away from the job/task that I was doing. So from being low and not being able to concentrate on the movie or being able to maintain myself working or doing the task that I was doing or the activity that I was doing I would immediately become frustrated, not in complete awareness, but the point was there for sure. It was only when someone would talk to me whom I've had a built up anger and frustration towards that I would explode and burst towards the person or thing that would get in my way.

If this were to continue without being directed then the frustration and anger would build up in regards to diabetes and then self would continue to remain in frustration and anger to the point where self may wake up frustrated and irritated and not know exactly why. As well, it would then define the relationship towards self and diabetes, where, anything related to diabetes that would separate self from an experience or that would distract self from working or doing an activity anger and resentment would built up within that one moment and throughout one's life anger and irritation and frustration would be the defining point of the relationship with self and diabetes, which is certainly not a cool way to live with the relationship to diabetes. This relationship towards diabetes can certainly develop through the point of reacting towards needing to stop work or to stop an activity, and for feeling weak during the activity and not being able to participate in the activity in the way that one would like to participate in the activity. Take for example when I was skateboarding - this is a sport that I enjoyed expressing myself within, there would be times when I would be enjoying it, doing well within it, and then comes on the low, I feel weak, and I need to stop myself from the experience of doing well within skateboarding to go correct the sugar level. So I would react to needing to stop myself, I would become angry and frustrated over feeling weak because the sugar level was dropping and not being able to participate in skateboarding the way I would like. I would then connect the anger and frustration to being a diabetic and create a relationship with diabetes revolving around the emotions that I was developing/creating, which then, over time, could've became the definition of the relationship between myself and diabetes

over the last year or so I have certainly noticed a change within myself as I am hypoglycemic. I am not as frustrated or angry at people around me and I do not react as much when someone asks me a question or as I am distracted from going to get food when I am low. I still react to needing to stop working in order to correct the sugar levels, because there are points of guilt that come up, and there are points of not being able to get things done on time, so I mean what I am saying within those moments is that I am not here to support the body unconditionally, that the support for the body within the relationship of diabetes is conditional based on what I want to do within a given moment, which is not a cool relationship to create with the body in relation to support within diabetes. So It is possible to stop the reactions and just stop myself within working, let whomever know that I need to leave for a second to go and support the body via eating something, and go and eat something unconditionally and without reaction - because in this one will be able to correct and change the relationship to the body/self within diabetes from conditional support where reactions come up - to unconditional support where, no matter what, self is here in support for the body

I will continue in the next post

Day 7 - Type 1 Diabetes and Environmental Stimulus

I spoke to my doctor's assistant a while ago when I was getting a check up and creating a new pattern of testing to find out when I am going low at work and how to adjust the insulin that I inject and I asked her about a pattern that I noticed regarding climate. I asked her what is the biological difference within the body regarding summer climates and winter climates because I have noticed for a while that during the hotter months of the year I do not need nearly as much insulin as I do in the winter months.

I noticed that pattern a few years ago but I had to wait years to prove or disprove the theory and it is clear that climate change does have an effect on diabetes.

Diabetes is a disease of the endocrine system. The endocrine system is responsible for maintaining homeostasis which is defined by internal processes that regulate balance when changes in the external environment occur. For example; the hypothalamus is an organ just under the brain that is responsible for much of the regulation signals that occur within the endocrine system. When it is cold outside and the body becomes cold as well the hypothalamus sends signals to the muscles to start moving rapidly (shivering) and for the hairs on the body to stand on end to trap in body heat. So through the change in the external environment (the cold) the endocrine system reacts to maintain homeostasis of body temperate. Blood glucose levels are involved in the same regulation processes.

When I asked the assistant why it was that there is such a noticeable change in insulin requirements through the winter months and summer months she said that it was due to activity. We are more active in the summer than in the winter but I didn't accept this as fact because within the winter I was still working which is a physical job and was getting/doing about the same amount of physical activity that I was doing in the winter months yet still needed a drastic change in the insulin I injected. Another example was a few weeks ago where the air here was cold and I/the body was cold as well. I had to wear a sweater indoors to keep myself at a comfortable temperature and during that I day I noticed that my body wasn't responding `normally` to the insulin I was injecting; it had less of an effect than it had days earlier and again, there was no change in my physical activity throughout those few days. During the day that I was cold the sun came out for a while and the sun was warm so I decided to sit in the sun. Right before I did that I was 6.3mmol/L and I sat in the sun for maybe 20 minutes. After 45 minutes from the first test I started to feel low so I tested and I was 2.6mmol/L so through sitting in the sun and changing the external environment the insulin sensitivity changed and became very effective. The reason this stuck out to me is because I have not experienced such a rapid drop in sugar levels over 45 minutes before.

It is not only about change in physical activity, it is about the changes in the environment as well and how the body must adapt to the changes in the environment to maintain homeostasis. There are a few scholarly articles regarding diabetes and the effects of vitamin D which we primarily get from the sun and how patients who had a deficiency in vitamin D had higher levels of blood sugar and a higher overall A1C.

http://www.naturalnews.com/041052_vitamin_d_metabolic_syndrome_diabetes.html

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3427202/

It is clear here that changes in the external environment will have an effect on the body's ability to metabolize sugars through the production and effectiveness of insulin and without us considering the environment that we are raising our children within it seems that type 1 will continue to be a mystery as to how it is caused. One thing here though is that it is clear that the environment that we are raising our children within is not in harmony with the body because diseases being created through external environmental stimulus such as type 1 is an indication that what we are doing with ourselves in/as this life is not in harmony with life itself.

Without a proper understanding of how type 1 diabetes is being created and the effects of the environmental stimuli on the body, we will continue to create such diseases because we are not living in consideration and care for of/as the environments that we are living in and raising our children within. And without a proper understanding of ourselves within/as these diseases we are going to give misinformation to those affected by it which can cause harm

Having a look at these instances it is clear that the body responds to the external environment and when we are not caring or living within harmony to/as the environment the body is going to react accordingly which results in diseases such as type 1 diabetes. We are not living here with/as the Earth/the body and therefore it is responding accordingly through diseases within and without. So within this we can conclude that type 1 diabetes is a result of our actions on this planet and within our bodies, a result of a lack of care and consideration for the body/the Earth and the harmony/balance needed to maintain `homeostasis` which is optimal operating conditions within the systems of the body and Earth. We are a long way off from getting to that point of harmony as this disharmony is based on the harm that money creates therefore a new economic model is needed, such as the Living Income Grant, to give us the time to give effective care for life here within the body and Earth so that these diseases stop manifesting due to an imbalance.

In the next post I will look at the point of imbalance within the mind and walk points of Self forgiveness on the imbalance within my own mind and body.

Post #2 - Day 56 - Diabetes pt 2 The Burden

Post from (http://paulsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-56-diabetes-pt-2-burden.html)

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed diabetes to become a burden on my life, wherein I have created a relationship to testing blood and injecting insulin as a task that I must do every day multiple times a day, as task that is separate from me, a task that I do not want to commit myself to, allowing myself to skip doing this task every once and a while because I would rather act in self-interest that do the testing and maintain the sugar levels that I have to maintain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see diabetes as a burden which I have to maintain and take care of myself within, in this placing the burden as something that I have to do, instead of standing equal and one to the point and living the will to care for myself as a diabetic the best way possible in being diligent at checking the blood sugar, and doing the injections daily and on time within the routine that works best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing that I am a diabetic and that my actions now are going to have consequences later on in my life which will or will not make the point of diabetes `worse` from the perspective of having to deal with other issues related to the lack of care for myself as a diabetic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within self-interest still and live a life that is comfortable for only me wherein I live within the fort of my self-interest and create myself as a perceived island, because as a diabetic I will die, from what evidence has been shown, earlier than most in life, and in this not give a fuck about myself as life because I am going to die `anyways` so why not get the most out of energy while I exist here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within self-interest, wherein I only consider my desires of what I want in this life, ignoring all of life and ignoring what is in fact happening on this planet to/as life, because I see diabetes as a burden, so I made the conclusion that if I must live with a burden I will attempt to find the desire of desires, not realizing that I in the mind am creating the idea of the burden, and that the idea of the burden is simply not real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat the life that has been given to me like shit shown through the manifestation of/as diabetes wherein I continue to allow myself to live within self-interest even though I have proven to myself that living within self-interest while having diabetes is extremely detrimental to the health of the body because the self-interest that I have defined and lived within is eat what you want, do what you want and in this what I wanted has never been what has been best for the body thus I have treated the life that has been given to me with total disregard, and total abuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as manifested consequence in this lifetime showing humanity that this is what happens when as we live in self-interest and only consider ourselves and not the equality of life which supports all life, wherein all life here in the physical lives in equality where each part is supporting the whole, wherein diabetes has manifested because I have only considered my desires throughout my life and not the equality that the body has lived within and existed as within/as the physical in which has supported itself in equality in order for life to be maintained, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to this existence and accept this pre-programming where equality of life is not considered wherein each part of existence does its part to support existence, and in this acceptance become a virus to this existence as I have accepted and allowed myself to live in inequality in relation to this world wherein I am not considering the whole and what I as human am a part of the whole and that I have responsibility within/as the whole to do what is best in equality and oneness for/as the whole

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate life because life has supposedly fucked me over with manifesting diabetes, but this hate only comes from the desire to support self-interest in inequality, because the hate stems from having to face the fact that I must let go of self-interest and do what is best for support of the body because I have manifested damage to an organ within the body and I must stand in place for that organ in order to maintain the bodies functionality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself as life through ignoring the fact that I have diabetes, ignoring through not checking the blood sugar when I am out nor doing proper insulin when I am out, proper meaning doing insulin for what I eat when I am out and checking the carbohydrates that I am eating when I am out and doing the correct amount of insulin, but in this ignore the fact that I am a diabetic when I feel high, as my hydration depletes and I have to piss a lot, using excuses that I will be fine and that I can manage in this physical discomfort for a while and then check and manage the blood sugar later wherein I am allowing myself to harm myself as life more than what is needed, needed meaning the sugar must go up in the first place and the more meaning not correcting when I first notice that I am dehydrated and pissing a lot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use diabetes as an excuse to not move my life in the direction that I would like to move it in, but in holding as a burden use it as an excuse to keep the life that is here  and accept the life that is here through and as being continuously `put down` wherein I accept the shit that is here because it seems as if I cannot move out of it because it feels like and seems like a burden that lasts forever, not realizing that it is me in and as the relationship that I have developed towards diabetes, being a diabetic that has caused me to look at life this way, in this it is me in relation to life that has allowed me to live this way, thus the creator of all of this burden and `put down` is only but me, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship with myself where I am continuously putting myself down and holding myself there until I submit to this world/life/existence instead of allowing myself to develop a relationship with myself in where I support myself as life through and as the actions in which support me as life as a diabetic, in this learning how to develop a relationship with myself as life of how to support what is best for life and commit myself to supporting what is best for life as myself wherein I commit myself to eating in the proper way in which supports the body and blood sugar levels, and in which supports the best insulin sensitivity as well as lifestyle that is best for me as a diabetic, changing the lifestyle from desire and self-interest into what is best for life.

I commit myself to stop seeing diabetes as a burden which I have to cope with but instead see it as an opportunity to understand and live what is best for life in every moment in relation to health, eating and lifestyle,

I commit myself to develop an effective relationship with myself wherein I support myself as life using the tool of/as diabetes to create that relationship wherein I create that relationship to do what is best for me no matter what happens in regard to sugar levels, where I am at in this world, or who I am with, wherein I stay constant and consistent in taking care of myself as life within being a diabetic

I commit myself to show what happens in manifested consequence when one decides to live a life of self-interest and desire, and how it can be avoided by realizing and re-aligning self to the equality of life wherein every being does its part to care for existence to care for life.

I commit myself to stopping the self-interest in that which I have been living and commit myself to taking care of myself as life within/as being life and being a diabetic using myself to investigate what in fact supports the body the best in relation to lifestyle, food intake, exercise, removing all information and knowledge of what food is good and what food is bad, and simply seeing what supports the body the best according to lifestyle and the plethora of variables that life consists of."