Last night was thanksgiving dinner and I went to my uncle's to meet with my family. As we sat around and chatted I started chatting with another uncle of mine and as we were chatting we were eating nachos and dip. As I was eating the nachos and dip I was thinking about what I was eating and that I needed to do insulin for what I was eating and check my bg reading. I did not do that because as the consideration of checking and injecting insulin came to mind I didn't want to separate myself from the experience of communicating with my uncle. I didn't want to stop taking with him and focus on something else which would have been injecting insulin and considering how much I ate at that moment and what I would have been eating at dinner…I didn't want to take myself out of the conversation at that moment, like stop talking and `cut off` the conversation so that I could check the bg reading and inject insulin for what I ate. It took me far too long to bring myself back here from the experience of being with the family and talking so that I make the decision within myself to go check and inject insulin for what I ate and when I did check I was 10.0mmol/l which isn't that high but it certainly could've been corrected before it got to 10.0mmol/l
Another example of myself not wanting to separate myself from an experience in order to take care of myself with diabetes was when I was having coffee with a friend after going to thanksgiving dinner. And as I was talking with him I was having a coffee with sugar added to it and I was considering the insulin that I injected for supper and if it would cover the sugar that I added to the coffee. I decided that the insulin was going to cover the sugar primarily due to the reason that I had left the meter and insulin in the car and didn't want to again separate myself from the conversation, tell my friend that I had to leave for a moment and go check and inject insulin if I needed it, I wanted to keep the conversation flowing, keep up the topic that we were talking about and not create a stop in the experience that I was having. When we were done I checked and I was 11.7 and did 3R to correct the high, but again, I could have caught it earlier if I were to separate myself from the experience of communicating with my friend and bring myself back here with myself and not rely on the experience
This has happened for a while throughout the time that I have had diabetes, where I have neglected myself in order to experience something with people or by myself wherein I will sit and watch a movie and forget about testing at the times of the day that I normally test.
Obviously doing this is not best for health reasons, and it is to understand who I am within the moments where I am neglecting my health for experiences.
I used to fear that other people would judge me for having diabetes and feared that they would not understand me having to prick my finger with a needle and draw blood, and that used to be a reason for myself neglecting taking care of diabetes. It is not the same this time because when I was within the experiences at dinner there wasn't any fear of judgement from another person because they were my family and are aware that I have diabetes, and as I am alone watching a movie or playing a video game it isn't about judgment either, it is more about the experience of the situation from energy and not wanting to pull myself away from that experience in order to test the blood sugar or to inject insulin or to eat food if I am low.
So within this it is separating myself from the experience of whatever I am doing, taking myself away from a movie, stopping a conversation if need be, stepping outside, leaving someone alone for a while so that I can give myself proper care.
In the next posts I will write Self forgiveness on separating myself from experiences and giving proper care to myself without fear of being alone, or fear of conflict, and giving myself what I need to give myself regarding care and treatment of diabetes.
If you're unfamiliar with self forgiveness and the process of self forgiveness I suggest to visit http://lite.desteniiprocess.com and walk the free course that is offered there with free buddy support to give yourself and understanding of what the self forgiveness process is.