Day 22 - Highs, Apathy and Thought Part 2

Continuing on from the previous post concerning the relationships between the mind and the body within diabetes and how high blood sugar levels can influence and affect the state of mind that one is in and how correcting those points within self will also assist and support self within stabilizing diabetes.

In the previous post I was writing about how high blood sugars stimulate apathy and depression within me and what I have been finding is that if I continue to allow that apathy, lethargy or depression to continue to exist within myself then the blood sugars for the rest of the day still remain quite difficult to manage - like the insulin that I inject does not have as much of an affect as if I do not have them running around within me.

Now I am still working on the point = the point is still coming up and I am still working on the stabilization of the point and of myself within the mornings when I wake up in the mornings. So like what I have found is that it will start to happen during the night - like there will be a specific emotional movement within myself, and it can be coming from a variety of emotions within myself - like frustration can trigger the highs in the morning - like sometimes there are points during the day that I have not yet lot go of during the night and then that like sits within the body throughout the night, then, from what I've noticed, it creates a point within the body that makes it difficult for the body to metabolize the insulin that is already within the body - like I have checked this point within myself = injecting the same insulin that resulted in waking up fine, but when/as I have these systems within the body - usually consisting of a negative energy - it results in higher blood sugars and a difficulty in processing the insulin that's within the body and it has a specific physiological affect on the body - like the emotions of frustration apathy or lethargy etc have a `heavy` affect on the body - so like if someone has participated in depression before it is easy to see how much it literally weighs down the body and as it weighs down the body it has the affects that I have been describing = slower insulin metabolization and also the control of the blood sugars becomes quite difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, see and understand that as I am accepting negative emotions I am also accepting the physiological affects it has on the body and thus am making the management of the body and doing what is best for the body within the disease of diabetes much harder and difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for the emotions that I go through and support myself to remove those emotions as fast as possible so that I do not cause unneeded consequences for the body within taking care of the body within diabetes

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take the proper steps needed when waking up high with/as a feeling of apathy or lethargy via breathing, giving the body the water it requires within that moment and slowly but surely building up the momentum to start moving myself within the day - in this I commit myself to breathing when I wake up high and there is that feeling of being lethargic or lazy moving myself slowly and calmly to start the day - grab a glass of water and give the body the water that it needs within that moment and in this sit down with the body to not exert too much energy and relax with the body for a while, stabilizing myself within the body -breathing and applying self forgiveness for any movements of lethargy, apathy, or a general feeling of laziness within that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to roam around in the mind when waking up with a high blood sugar, like wake up and then sit there within the mind and allow the thoughts of apathy and lethargy move where I am creating this resistance towards moving myself in the morning due to the thoughts of apathy and lethargy and a general negative emotional experience and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to flag that point of sitting in bed thinking about how I do not want to do anything and just be lazy so that I can give myself the opportunity to correct this point rather than sitting in bed and continue to think and try and fall asleep again

I commit myself to when/as I find myself waking up and the body feels like it has a high blood sugar and I am sitting there within the body and within the mind thinking about how I do not want to get up and start the day, I stop, I breathe, I take note of the thoughts that are moving around and I stabilize myself within the body and commit myself to stop the thoughts because I realize that allowing myself to stir within the mind, circling around thoughts about not getting up, or about resisting starting the day or like thoughts about sabotaging myself in someway is not going to support the body in stabilizing the blood sugar and it is not something that I, in self honesty, want to live within the day - I mean the feeling of having high blood sugar alone is reason enough to get out of bed and correct the point

I will again, continue to walk this point/system within my daily living and explore what happens in/as the moment I correct the blood sugars - like what happens to the mind and also what happens to the body when/as I correct the mind and the relationships between the two.

Day 18 - Diabetic Depression Part 2

With depression and Diabetes there is another dimension that will drastically alter the way insulin and carbohydrates reacts within the body and that dimension is the depression itself. When one goes through depression there are chemicals running through the body and the body itself is usually stagnant and that means that there will be no exercise and the processes that the body normally uses to regulate and process the chemical that is the insulin is affected by the chemicals being produced via depression. I have noticed this myself as with my experience within depression and diabetes I have noted that the effects of insulin and carbohydrate usage are drastically altered when/as I am depressed and the moment I bring myself out of that depression it changes dramatically.

For instance, I was working a dead end job that was absolutely monotonous - I could do it without being aware of myself at all. Now during the nights that I would work my diabetes was fairly easy to manage with food as it was a physical job and I would be working off much, if not all, of what I ate, even if I was going relatively slow in comparison to other days. The days that I did go slow the sugar levels would still be stable - I just would not go low as much as other nights. Now when I was depressed and working this job I would go slow, drag my feet and be in this state within myself where all I could see and think about was the thoughts that I was being depressed about and the experience of being depressed. When I was in this state the body feels heavy and unmovable - as many people who go through depression are aware of - and in this state, even though I was moving and working at a rate that should have managed the sugar levels well but when I got to break and tested the blood sugar was WAY above normal and this was solely because of the depression that I was going through at that moment.

Another example was when I would be depressed and procrastinating doing some course work. Now when I was doing this I would sit slumped, I would be resting on my hand and in a very `slackerish` position with my body and in my mind. I can remember one clear memory of when I was high (blood sugar) and things were not responding the way that they normally would. I had to inject at least 50% more insulin for the same carbohydrates that I would eat and this was certainly a notable change. In the same moment I was able to simply take myself out of that depression through a choice to start working on the assignment that I was resisting and from this choice the body changed it's position and so did the mind. Once I started to move myself even within the small tasks of typing the body started to respond by starting to utilize the insulin effectively and efficiently and the carbohydrates were being processed more because I was using myself and the mind.

There was an article that I was reading online about the causes of high and low blood sugar and one of the causes was socialization - now I questioned why it was that socialization could alter the blood sugar in those moments and what I've found out recently is that when/as you use the mind in a way with effort, a similar effort to that of physical exercise the body responds in a similar manner. I've found that when I would be doing sales and talking to people that the blood sugar would respond in a similar manner as if I was doing physical exercise and that is because I was exercising the mind in those scenarios. The same thing applies to depression where within depression the mind is not being used efficiently nor effective and this can be easily seen within the body language that one goes through within depression - so here depression directly correlates to blood sugar levels and the effectiveness of insulin and the consumption rate of carbohydrates through the body because the depression does affect the body as all emotions affect the body = anger increases heart rate = it is easy to see how emotions, such as depression, can and do affect the homeostatic process of the body

Practical Assistance with this point is to be aware when/as you're going through depression and then correct the insulin dosages and carbohydrate intake when/as depression exists but to also not accept depression from yourself and to always look at solutions to depression rather than only looking at the problem so that the compromise of the body does not need to exist


In the next post I am going to look at the point of Living with diabetes and how that may trigger depression

Day 17 - Diabetic Depression

Depression can be quite crippling when diabetes is added into the equation. Not only can depression set in from being diagnosed with diabetes but depression can drastically alter the `normal` homeostasis that one gets used to when taking care of themselves with diabetes

So let's look at one point first, the point of being depressed when being diagnosed or realizing that diabetes is going to have it limits on what you can do and not do within this lifetime. The thoughts that may be going on in the mind when this point is triggered are "I can't do the same things that I could always do" or "Man, my life is going to suck from now on because I cannot live the same way that I could" or " My life is never going to be the same again" so if these thoughts run around in the mind and are not directed then depression most likely is going to set in because if one accepts these thoughts as valid then one is going to believe that life is not going to be the same and must change everything that they do or must stop participating in the activities that they once did then of course depression will occur from this point. I remember one specific memory of going into depression when I was diagnosed and that was when I was introduced to hitchhiking and when I got home and discussed it with my parents the point of diabetes was brought to my awareness so in that moment I realized that diabetes was going to limit me in this lifetime so I went into a depressed state for a while. I was upset at the fact that I would not be able to do what I would like. So yes there are limitations that diabetics have to endure but it doesn't mean that one's entire lifestyle must change drastically.

So for example, I was a big skateboarder a few years ago, by big I mean I did it every day for at least a hew hours a day. Now if you're you would understand how exercise can really lower blood sugar so when I was diagnosed it didn’t mean that I couldn't skateboard anymore or express myself within the point of enjoyment within physical activity it simply meant that I need to make sure that I covered a few more points before I could go out and skateboard, mainly so check my blood sugar to see where it was at before I would go out, although I didn’t always do this, and it meant that I have to bring a few sugary things with me so that I could correct any lo blood sugars that happened when I would be out skateboarding.

In this one may believe that self is alone within the disease but that isn't necessarily true. Yes, we have to take care of ourselves alone we are the ones who are with ourselves in each moment and we are the ones who are going to know what is best for us in relation to insulin dosages and activity levels and what actions result in what reactions within the body, but the idea/belief that we are completely alone and that no one else is going to understand the disease is not true. When I was skateboarding with a group of friends they would check up on me every so often, ask me if I was low or if I needed anything to make sure that I am ok, which was nice in hind sight, or when I did need something to eat but didn't have anything on me then they offered to help out by getting me something to eat somewhere or somehow. They understood the basics of the issue = if I was low then I needed sugar to bring myself back up and that is all that they really needed to know to assist and support me when I would go low.

For those who face depression from time to time in relation to being a diabetic, look at the thoughts that are coming up and question those thoughts and whether or not they are really valid, and in this to as well not accept limitations from yourself. If you believe or think that diabetes is going to limit you from doing something then investigate and find solutions to the problem rather than only looking at the problem. Like now I see that if I had enough supplies on me then I would be able to hitchhike for a while, then find a hospital in an area that I was heading to then ask them for supplies as most hospitals give away insulin for free when in need, this is for Canada at least = so there are solutions, one only must take into consideration a few more points when embarking on a task. As well these points of consideration are not a burden upon self but a cool gift - as one starts to consider much more things about the body than a `normal` person would and can give oneself a lived knowledge of what the body can handle in relation to points within diabetes.

No need to be depressed simply look for solutions than the `problems` that exist.