Day 18 - Diabetic Depression Part 2

With depression and Diabetes there is another dimension that will drastically alter the way insulin and carbohydrates reacts within the body and that dimension is the depression itself. When one goes through depression there are chemicals running through the body and the body itself is usually stagnant and that means that there will be no exercise and the processes that the body normally uses to regulate and process the chemical that is the insulin is affected by the chemicals being produced via depression. I have noticed this myself as with my experience within depression and diabetes I have noted that the effects of insulin and carbohydrate usage are drastically altered when/as I am depressed and the moment I bring myself out of that depression it changes dramatically.

For instance, I was working a dead end job that was absolutely monotonous - I could do it without being aware of myself at all. Now during the nights that I would work my diabetes was fairly easy to manage with food as it was a physical job and I would be working off much, if not all, of what I ate, even if I was going relatively slow in comparison to other days. The days that I did go slow the sugar levels would still be stable - I just would not go low as much as other nights. Now when I was depressed and working this job I would go slow, drag my feet and be in this state within myself where all I could see and think about was the thoughts that I was being depressed about and the experience of being depressed. When I was in this state the body feels heavy and unmovable - as many people who go through depression are aware of - and in this state, even though I was moving and working at a rate that should have managed the sugar levels well but when I got to break and tested the blood sugar was WAY above normal and this was solely because of the depression that I was going through at that moment.

Another example was when I would be depressed and procrastinating doing some course work. Now when I was doing this I would sit slumped, I would be resting on my hand and in a very `slackerish` position with my body and in my mind. I can remember one clear memory of when I was high (blood sugar) and things were not responding the way that they normally would. I had to inject at least 50% more insulin for the same carbohydrates that I would eat and this was certainly a notable change. In the same moment I was able to simply take myself out of that depression through a choice to start working on the assignment that I was resisting and from this choice the body changed it's position and so did the mind. Once I started to move myself even within the small tasks of typing the body started to respond by starting to utilize the insulin effectively and efficiently and the carbohydrates were being processed more because I was using myself and the mind.

There was an article that I was reading online about the causes of high and low blood sugar and one of the causes was socialization - now I questioned why it was that socialization could alter the blood sugar in those moments and what I've found out recently is that when/as you use the mind in a way with effort, a similar effort to that of physical exercise the body responds in a similar manner. I've found that when I would be doing sales and talking to people that the blood sugar would respond in a similar manner as if I was doing physical exercise and that is because I was exercising the mind in those scenarios. The same thing applies to depression where within depression the mind is not being used efficiently nor effective and this can be easily seen within the body language that one goes through within depression - so here depression directly correlates to blood sugar levels and the effectiveness of insulin and the consumption rate of carbohydrates through the body because the depression does affect the body as all emotions affect the body = anger increases heart rate = it is easy to see how emotions, such as depression, can and do affect the homeostatic process of the body

Practical Assistance with this point is to be aware when/as you're going through depression and then correct the insulin dosages and carbohydrate intake when/as depression exists but to also not accept depression from yourself and to always look at solutions to depression rather than only looking at the problem so that the compromise of the body does not need to exist


In the next post I am going to look at the point of Living with diabetes and how that may trigger depression

Day 16 - Frustration With Hypoglycemia Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit in bed when I feel weak and feel that I have a low blood sugar , entertaining and allowing thoughts of hoping that the feeling will just fade away so that I can go back to sleep - signalling to the body that I do not care about what it is physically going through, I only care about the experience of myself in sleep

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to ignore and push away the feeling of being low while I am in the middle of sleep or on the edge of consciousness where I allow myself to attempt to ignore the physical feeling of the body and the physicality of the body and drift off into consciousness stating that I have no care or consideration for the physical body within the point of care and support for it within the point of diabetes

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within that moment, if I hold off getting myself out of that sleepy state and going to go get something to eat or checking my blood sugar to make sure that I am low, then the feeling is not going to disappear so easily and I am going to get `worse` of a sleep than if I were to simply get up in that moment and correct the low that I am going through. As well, if the feeling does go away then I subject myself to waking up again feeling low and having to go through the whole debacle once more, so in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that what is best for me within that time and scenario is to get up regardless of questioning whether or not it is a low and eat something to support the body while being hypoglycemic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the relationship with the body to be less than the relationship with the mind wherein I have stated that I would rather participate in the mind than to correct and support the body via getting out of bed and treating the hypoglycemic episode - in this stating that I would rather go into the `dream` state that is involved with consciousness than to bring myself out of that state and into the physical reality via getting out of bed and getting something to eat in the middle of the night when I wake up due to a low

I commit myself to correcting my relationship with the body from being one of ignorance and suppression to expression and support and expansion via implementing this point of getting out of bed when I have woken up in the middle of the night due to a low = changing my relationship with the body through implementing this point of support for the body and moving my relationship to be equal with the body/mind/self wherein I support each point equally rather than only supporting myself sometimes within one aspect over another or favouring one aspect over another

When/as I wake up in the night due to a low, wake up, feel weak and there are thoughts running around in the mind of wanting to just go back to sleep and being frustrated with being low at that time and blaming diabetes for a lack of sleep and feeling disempowered because of the point of diabetes is creating this point within me - I stop myself from entertaining and moving within those thoughts/idea/beliefs, I breathe, I bring my awareness to the physical body and I implement change within myself by getting out of bed in that one breath and moving myself to go get something to eat to support the body within being low

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame diabetes for my feeling of disempowerment in relation to not being able to get a decent amount of sleep due to being waken up in a low resulting in physically feeling weak in this separating myself from the point of diabetes as if it is outside of myself and something that is able to be blamed - which it is not as I am the creator of myself and thus the creator of diabetes within myself thus I am not able to practically and REALly blame diabetes as it is not something that is separate from me to blame - it is not an isolated point that exists solely on it's own - it is in direct correlation to ME and thus all point revolving around diabetes are ME - thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame ME for having diabetes and blame myself for causing this disease to manifest within the body.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remove all blame for myself for creating diabetes within myself and stand equal and one with myself in/as the point of diabetes, supporting myself unconditionally and not allowing emotions to direct my relationship with diabetes as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship towards diabetes of blame, disappointment, frustration, disempowerment thus allowing these emotions to arise when I wake up low in the night time instead of redefining myself in relation to diabetes to be of support, care, consideration, acceptance and expansion and thus within this I commit myself to implement the new definition of myself in relation to diabetes each and every time this point occurs; practically meaning to not allow myself to react with emotions when I wake up low, but to breathe and direct myself to live/move within the new definition of myself in relation to diabetes which means to get up and out of bed to correct the low that I am going through in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist getting out of bed because of the experience of the bed being nice and warm and comfy and getting out of bed removes that experience, and thus I have stated in that moment that I enjoy experience more than real practical care and consideration for the physical body - thus I commit myself to correct my relationship with the body by getting out of bed and making the decision within myself to commit myself to care and support for the body rather than experiences.

Day 15 - Frustration and Anger with Hypoglycemia Part 2

To continue on from the previous blog there is a point of frustration that I want to write about in relation to going low or being hypoglycemic. A big point of frustration, anger, resentment, annoyance, agitation within diabetes is hypoglycemia while trying to sleep. This point is a bane to my existence. There have been many nights where I have gone low a few times during the night resulting in mornings of exhaustion and feeling distraught, feeling pissed off, and feeling like you want to give up on yourself and the world.

For those reading this that aren't diabetic imagine that you have an important meeting tomorrow morning. You go to bed early so that you can get a satisfactory amount of sleep so that you can be fresh for the morning and ready to go. Now as you lay in bed you start to feel a bit weak in the body, you don't feel all here, you are kinda dislocated from your body and are more in your mind. Now you realize that this may be a low but you are weary of whether or not you should eat because when sleeping the blood sugar rises and it may correct itself during the night, so you breathe for a bit, close your eyes and try to sleep. After an hour or so you still feel weak, your now a bit agitated because you weren't able to get to sleep in time so that you could be fresh for the meeting in the morning, so you get yourself out of bed, you walk down to the kitchen, you grab some juice drink it and head back up to bed to wait for a while until the sugar kicks in and you feel strong enough to go to sleep. Now the middle of the night comes and you are in and out of consciousness for a while. You wake up for a few moments, not completely conscious of what's going on but fall back to the edge of sleep, not completely immersed in sleep and not completely awake. You're telling yourself to just go back to sleep because you need a good nights sleep but the feeling just keeps coming back. After a while of coming in and out of consciousness you finally decide within yourself to wake up and go get something to eat again. Now it is well past the point of getting a good nights rest in order to be fresh for the morning, so you bite the bullet in that moment, accept the fact that tomorrow your going to be tired and will give it your best during the meeting.

This is what is common for diabetics. I remember times when this same example would happen but there would be an exam in the morning, and I desperately wanted to get some sleep but going low throughout the night made it impossible to do so. I would get incredibly frustrated when these moments occur, because the body would not go the way that I wanted it to go.

I still experience this today and I have not corrected the relationship to the body which is the reason why I am writing this blog at the moment. I say corrected the relationship to the body because I still react in frustration and, almost like a form of disappointment, when this point occurs in my life. Within reading the second paragraph you may note that a point of frustration was coming through in the writing which shows the relationship that I am creating towards the body within this pattern. What I am saying to the body in these moments is that I care more about the experience of sleeping than I do about the health of the body and thus I am stating that I do not care about the body.

A feeling of weakness will come up in the middle of the night, but I won’t be sure of whether or not it is a momentary weakness or if it is an actual hypoglycemic episode. Once the feeling comes on, and once I decide that I am not sure about what it is, I will breathe and take a moment to close my eyes so that I can see if it is possible to fall back asleep. For the most part I do fall back asleep for a little while, but only on the edge of consciousness which means that I am still quite aware of what is going on. I will sit in this feeling until either it goes away or it becomes too strong for me to ignore. While this is happening I am becoming more frustrated with not being able to sleep the way I would like to; uninterrupted.

I am telling the body that I have more interest in sleeping than taking proper care of the body, but the body is going to need continual management because it is not going to `go` any time soon lol. Since I have placed more interest in sleeping than in support and care for the body in times of being low while in the midst of sleeping the frustration comes up. The frustration comes up because I am not getting what I want - uninterrupted sleep - and it is because of a point that I have defined within myself as a nuisance (hypoglycemia). This is not cool because I am stating that the experience of sleeping and the experience of not being aware or awake is much more pleasurable than taking practical physical care of the body. So this is certainly not how I want to treat myself in relationship to the body, I would much rather take care of the body and show it that I do need it to last a bit longer and do need it to maintain itself as best as possible - because like what am I telling the body as I react in this manner? I am telling the body that I do not want it, I am telling the body that I do not care for the physical functions and necessities of itself I am telling it that I just want to use it for the experiences that can be created here in the physical reality and that the physical functions of it come second to the experiences that are able to be created. If I continue to accept this from myself then a fucked up relationship to the body will exist.

The change here is to let go of the frustration and annoyance and/or any reaction that comes up when I feel low at night or when I am awoken from feeling weak and hypoglycemic, and rather than trying to fall back asleep and ignore what is going on, change that point into consideration of the body in that moment, and simply move myself to correct the low - the same point from the frustration when working applies here.

In the next post I will write SF and SCS on the experience of being frustrated when being low and corrections on how to approach points of being low from hereon.

Day 9 - Separating Myself From Experiences

Last night was thanksgiving dinner and I went to my uncle's to meet with my family. As we sat around and chatted I started chatting with another uncle of mine and as we were chatting we were eating nachos and dip. As I was eating the nachos and dip I was thinking about what I was eating and that I needed to do insulin for what I was eating and check my bg reading. I did not do that because as the consideration of checking and injecting insulin came to mind I didn't want to separate myself from the experience of communicating with my uncle. I didn't want to stop taking with him and focus on something else which would have been injecting insulin and considering how much I ate at that moment and what I would have been eating at dinner…I didn't want to take myself out of the conversation at that moment, like stop talking and `cut off` the conversation so that I could check the bg reading and inject insulin for what I ate. It took me far too long to bring myself back here from the experience of being with the family and talking so that I make the decision within myself to go check and inject insulin for what I ate and when I did check I was 10.0mmol/l which isn't that high but it certainly could've been corrected before it got to 10.0mmol/l

Another example of myself not wanting to separate myself from an experience in order to take care of myself with diabetes was when I was having coffee with a friend after going to thanksgiving dinner. And as I was talking with him I was having a coffee with sugar added to it and I was considering the insulin that I injected for supper and if it would cover the sugar that I added to the coffee. I decided that the insulin was going to cover the sugar primarily due to the reason that I had left the meter and insulin in the car and didn't want to again separate myself from the conversation, tell my friend that I had to leave for a moment and go check and inject insulin if I needed it, I wanted to keep the conversation flowing, keep up the topic that we were talking about and not create a stop in the experience that I was having. When we were done I checked and I was 11.7 and did 3R to correct the high, but again, I could have caught it earlier if I were to separate myself from the experience of communicating with my friend and bring myself back here with myself and not rely on the experience

This has happened for a while throughout the time that I have had diabetes, where I have neglected myself in order to experience something with people or by myself wherein I will sit and watch a movie and forget about testing at the times of the day that I normally test.

Obviously doing this is not best for health reasons, and it is to understand who I am within the moments where I am neglecting my health for experiences.

I used to fear that other people would judge me for having diabetes and feared that they would not understand me having to prick my finger with a needle and draw blood, and that used to be a reason for myself neglecting taking care of diabetes. It is not the same this time because when I was within the experiences at dinner there wasn't any fear of judgement from another person because they were my family and are aware that I have diabetes, and as I am alone watching a movie or playing a video game it isn't about judgment either, it is more about the experience of the situation from energy and not wanting to pull myself away from that experience in order to test the blood sugar or to inject insulin or to eat food if I am low.

So within this it is separating myself from the experience of whatever I am doing, taking myself away from a movie, stopping a conversation if need be, stepping outside, leaving someone alone for a while so that I can give myself proper care.

In the next posts I will write Self forgiveness on separating myself from experiences and giving proper care to myself without fear of being alone, or fear of conflict, and giving myself what I need to give myself regarding care and treatment of diabetes.

If you're unfamiliar with self forgiveness and the process of self forgiveness I suggest to visit http://lite.desteniiprocess.com and walk the free course that is offered there with free buddy support to give yourself and understanding of what the self forgiveness process is.

Day 6 - The Systematic Creation of Type 2 Diabetes

It is commonly known by diabetics that type 2 diabetes can be easily `cured` or managed through diet and exercise which can then bring up the question, does a lack in effective diet and exercise cause type 2 diabetes?

Type 2 diabetic's pancreases still produce insulin to counteract the food ingested, but it is usually the fat residing within/as the body that blocks or inhibits the effectiveness of the insulin because it makes it difficult for the insulin to transfer into the muscle cells for use via cellular respiration. Fat is the storage place for sugars and not the usage of/as sugars within the body. The muscle cells are where cellular respiration primarily occur, which is the combustion of glucose molecules into usable forms of energy. The mitochondria within cells are the end point of cellular respiration, and if the mitochondria are producing energy and the muscles are where the most energy is needed then the muscle cells will have high levels of mitochondria. If the body has too much fat then the excess amount of fat is going to inhibit the effectiveness of the insulin produced by the pancreas because it is going to have to work through the fat to get to the muscles, because fat is not where glucose can be used.

With that being said we must look at our diet and lifestyles that we’ve accepted to exist within/as through the acceptance of the movement of ourselves within/as this system and the generation of money. Consider someone who works at a desk job 9-5. They will be most likely driving to work where they will be sitting in a car for x amount of time, getting to their job where they will be sitting at a desk for 8-9 hours a day, they will get home and more or less sit down on a couch or chair and watch TV to unwind from the day. Their day consists of little to no exercise whatsoever, and since there is little to no exercise their bodies are not going to be able to use the glucose/carbohydrates/sugars ingested throughout the day and therefore will store the sugars as fats which can be a cause of diabetes depending on the genetics of the individual and the strength of the pancreas, which boils down to genetics. I say strength of the pancreas here because the pancreas is going to need to be strong in order to produce enough insulin to counteract the food ingested, and without exercise the pancreas is going to need to produce more insulin for an equal amount of food.

Exercise is a great benefit for diabetics. It increases insulin sensitivity because it warms up the body which will cause higher metabolic rates due to the temperature. For example, I work a physical job where I will sweat and increase the heat of the body due to exercise. A few days ago I went to the gym before work and the few days before that I had been pushing myself harder at work which will cause a lasting effect of insulin sensitivity for about 18 hours compounded exponentially through the time that I worked hard and I needed 330g of carbohydrates just to stave off lows which means that I needed to inject no fast acting insulin and only needed the basal rate insulin for the day. Those who do not know how much 330g of carbohydrates is, a banana is roughly 15g which equals to 22 bananas over an 8 hour period which is a lot of damn food when you consider it. Clearly it is obvious then that exercise is going to significantly increase the sensitivity of insulin within type 2 diabetics meaning they most likely will not need as much medication or any if at all. Again though the way that we have designed this system and our lives within work and within our home life is not helping the pandemic that is type 2 diabetes at this point in time. That is why I say it is systematically created because we cannot live without money and if our lives are designed to be without exercise because of the methods and patterns that we need to obtain money from then the problem is existent inherently within/as this system that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist within.

The other point here is diet. Take a look at the foods that we eat, specifically take a look at the foods the children are fed, speaking from a North American perspective here. The granola bars that are packed in lunches for school, the yogurts that are marketed to children, the cereals that are marketed to children, essentially 80-90% of the food geared towards consumption by children have a high amount of sugar within them. So if the parents are unaware and have not been taught effective dieting skills, diet here means the food that we ingest, not diet in regards to losing weight - then they will feed children these foods and nowadays with the level of convenience through mobile devices and computers and television to be entertained from, exercise is something that is severely lacking in their lives therefore diabetes is and will become more of a pandemic. Similarly in the adult life the convenience of fast food restaurants and the high level of carbohydrates and sugars within the foods and drinks available at restaurants and the lifestyle that one must maintain to generate money will again create diabetes to become more of a pandemic.

The Responsibility for this is distributed among men equally, we are all responsible for the lack of care and consideration that we have given the body and the bodily processes that keep us alive, and are all responsible for the creation of these health problems through our acceptance and through our self interest. There are those that are in power and that have `more` of a `say` of what foods are produced and what foods are marketed such as those within the FDA and other food administrative services whom have had a dictatorship over what foods are available for us to consume. Just as we are aware that the consumption of sugar has large side effects, those whom resign within the regulatory food agencies whom regulate the food available to us and who decide what foods will be available to `us` are equally responsible and are equally aware of the effects of sugar and the increase in diabetes. Since we have trusted those within the food regulatory agencies, there is a point of trust that the food that is provided to us through manufacturing processes is `healthy` to an extent and will not cause health problems that significantly decrease the quality of life. The main thing I am stating here is that the food that we are being fed and the food that we are marketed is, at the moment, a significant factor in/as the design of type 2 diabetes and it is clear that type 2 diabetes is not being considered by us living within the systematic design of our lives and money, therefore the `trust` that we have placed in the regulatory agencies is misplaced trust, and we should have never trusted them in the first place, never should have given people who's interests are clearly not aligned within equality the availability to dictate our lives and decide what food we will be fed, because as it is now seen through/as the increase of diabetes, their interest is money and power, not the lives of the beings that they have had dictatorship over.

Type 2 diabetes is a systemic creation through/as the way that we have accepted and allowed this system of/as our lives to operate. Some do not have the time to exercise throughout the day or can get in very little exercise throughout the day due to the design of money. We are brainwashed to crave certain foods through influences within media, such as a craving for ice cream or a fast food restaurant. For myself, I never considered where and how the thoughts of craving came from and were designed from, which as it turns out is a mechanism of the corporations to keep us buying, keep us wanting, keep us paying for their products. Have a look at a craving for McDonalds. Why is that craving there? Why is it a craving for McDonalds? McDonalds is just an idea, like we don't have a craving for a burger or a soda, it is specifically geared towards McDonalds, I have heard people speak "I want McDonalds", not "I want a burger" and then search through the myriad of options on how to obtain a burger. Or you can consider why corporations are such a large financial backing for the media industry.

So, As we look at the reasons and factors behind of and as type 2 diabetes one can see that it is due to our accepted and allowed structures of our lives based around money. The structure of the system of/as our lives is creating type 2 diabetes. It is imperative then that we implement a system in which life is considered, value of life is considered, quality of life for each being so that type 2 does not become a generational degradation of the human being's quality of life. It is also imperative that we as humans consider the body and consider the foods that the body needs and when the body needs these foods. For instance if one is lacking physical activity within their daily routine it is best to eat vegetables, because when I am not active, especially during the winter, the insulin sensitivity of the body dramatically decreases and I need more insulin to cover an equal amount of food I would eat if it were summer.

The solution here is within and without. It resides within ourselves and resides within an overhaul of the system we are living. It resides within ourselves through making choices of what we eat based on the body, not based on desires, or wants, or cravings. It resides without through not accepting this system as `just the way things are`, and making the changes necessary to the foods that we are provided through corporations and in this making a stand within ourselves to not allow ourselves to accept a system, accept cravings, accept desires that are not based on the quality of life of/as the body/physical substance

Day 5 - Diabetes and Bi-Polarity

It has come to my attention that within diabetes polarities exist. Look at the relationship between ourselves and diabetes, (those of us who are diabetic), and how we must maintain the highs and lows to maintain homeostasis of the blood sugar, that in itself is based on polarities of our consumption of foods. Polarities also exist within the mind in regards to depression, excitement, sadness, happiness, love, hate etc. It is clear that through my participation within these systems (love, hate) that they too affect the polarity of self and will consequently affect the polarity of the blood sugar. Take for instance stress. Most diabetics know and are aware that stress will affect the blood sugar, but stress is caused within the mind. Through taking a grade 12 university biology course, stress affects the livers production of glucagon which breaks down into glucose because of the adrenal glands production of glucocorticoids, and the adrenal glands are active during stress because of the fight or flight response. Now since stress exists only within the mind and has affects on the physical systems of the body it can then be said that depression can, as well, affect the systems of the body, same with love, same with hate, same with anger, same with depression, it is only understanding how, where, and the triggers of said emotions.

What we as diabetics need to see, be aware of, and live responsibility within/as is maintaining homeostasis within the body and within the mind. Homeostasis is the best operating range or state to exist within. If we allow ourselves to become too happy then we are most likely subject to binges, subject to excitatory reactions within the mind and from what I've seen within myself, that is when I can think about consuming large amounts of sugar and essentially say "fuck it, why not, I'm happy" and then I binge out on sugar and more often than not, allow myself to go hyperglycemic. This also relates to sadness wherein I've consumed sugar when I am sad, consumed high caloric foods or high sugar foods to make myself `feel good` - looking at that now it is a fascinating mechanism because the only thing that `feels good` in that moment is taste. Consuming sugar doesn’t allow myself to face what is making myself sad, nor does it make myself not feel sad, it is only used as a mechanism to not face the sadness that I was/am going through and to suppress the sadness. A fascinating thing with sugar is its relationship to happiness and how the human, through parental upbringing, is exposed and systematically influenced to create this relationship between self and sugar. Within this relationship we can see the polarity existent between the relationship of sugar and self and the affects of the polarities of the mind on the polarities of the body regarding homeostasis within blood glucose.

As a child I had this relationship to sugar, where I would want sugar, demand sugar, throw tantrums if I did not get sugar, in order to manifest an experience of being `happy`, most likely because of the sugar high, but with that being said, if I was sad or upset sugar was commonly used as a method to `uplift` my mood in which the relationship between sugar and myself was created - again basing it around the polarities and consistently wanting a high

Diabetics then have a responsibility to maintain our emotions and feelings and to not allow them to be the directive principle of ourselves, although we have already allowed that to happen due to the manifestation of diabetes and the want for highs (happiness and sugar), and our allowance of ourselves to go out and buy and consume something sugary or look for happiness in other places, there is also degeneration of genetics, but sugar and the want for happiness is the catalyst for the disease. In this, and as I am writing this, I see how I am heavily influenced by positivity and attempt to avoid negativity to an nth extent wherein I will consume sugar and use substances that will chemically alter my brain to not have to feel anything other than `good`, but in the laws of polarities, the good must always come with the bad, so therefore within wanting good I am also wanting bad so that I can maintain the experience of going/being high vs a low.

The point of responsibility here sits within our life and how to direct our life and how to give effective care of the body in maintaining homeostasis and if our emotions and feelings are frequently allowing ourselves to compromise our care for ourselves then the emotions must be understood and we must forgive ourselves for becoming subjects to our emotions/wants/feelings and decide to direct ourselves within what is best for our bodies regardless of emotions and feelings and desires. This certainly can be a difficult thing to work within and live responsibility for, but what is nice is that it is left to our choice of what we will accept and allow within ourselves or not, therefore we are the directive principle on how we choose to live our life, and if it is not what is best for all then we only have ourselves to face in the wake of consequence, and only have ourselves to blame in the wake of consequence, therefore need to realize that we are responsible.

The polarities of the mind, for myself, need to be understood and not allowed to influence the body and our ability to take care of the body. I am aware that within consuming sugar, within consuming coffee, consuming cigarettes that I've created a chemical need within the brain and I must, if I am to settle the polarities of myself and the mind, walk through lows within putting an end to the substances that I've abused, and decide to take care of the chemistry of the body and stop fluctuation from highs and lows as best as possible at the moment so that I can gather a strength to direct the mind when/as desires come up so that I am not influenced or directed by them and am able to maintain care for the body.

In the next post I will write out self forgiveness on the relationship to positivity and diabetes.

Sites to check out:

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

http://eqafe.com

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com

Day 4 - Living with Diabetes Part 1

In this series of blogs that are to come I will be writing about a point relevant to diabetes that I go through in my day to day living and show how different a lifestyle it can really be, and to show, to the best of my knowledge through living with diabetes, biological functions, that I would be more than pleased to be corrected on, so do not fear leaving a `snarky` comment correcting me, I like to learn more and cross reference material with others; I may expand on such things as insulin, like how it is made, the resources needed to make it, the affects on the environment, monetary factors, and this will be a learning process for myself because much of what I just suggested I may write about I will need to do research as well.

Since this is the intro blog

Let me take you through my day.

Mornings: Wake up at 18:00-19:00, due to working nights in which I have to severely consider how much activity I am doing due to the affects of physical exercise and insulin sensitivity within my body, have to consider how much food I eat…there are many things that I could extrapolate upon in regards to work and diabetes - lets just title that work and leave that there for now.

I proceed to check my blood sugar, usually - have not been the spitting image of `perfect` in regards to diabetes - which again is something to take apart and dissect = the image of perfection within diabetes = perfection of care of health possibly - I'm sorry if I ramble, but as I write this I am noting this for myself later on so that I can refer back to it for topics to write about. And in the mornings I have been frequently high, so as I wake up, I've kinda just accepted this as `the way it is`, and reach for two needles that I have to inject 25 decilitres of one insulin, and depending on how high, or if I'm high, x amount of decilitres of another insulin into either my buttocks, the back of my arms, abdomen, or thighs. I favour the buttocks, thighs, and back of the arms for the insulin I inject 25 decilitres of ( I will go into further detail in time on the different types of insulin) and the abdomen for the insulin that I use depending on how much I eat and what the `level` of (my) sugar is.

I make breakfast, and consider what I will be doing in the following hours based on activity level of what I can and should not eat, and usually say "fuck it, I will eat what I would like to eat and inject insulin according to what I would like to eat", and sometimes all I like to eat in the morning is an apple and a banana. I will then inject insulin based on how much carbohydrates I will eat and what I will be doing in the next few hours and based off of `how I feel` meaning if I feel `heavy` then that usually means that the insulin sensitivity rate is low and I will need more insulin than if I were to not feel `heavy`. I then carry on with whatever task I have for the time being until I get ready for work

Before work I check the sugar again at about 21:30 - it is about 2 hours after my previous test - so that means that the insulin that I injected to correct the amount of food I ate will be at it's `peak activity` which I will explain another time, and since it is at it's peak activity the rate of transfer of sugar into the cells is highest here throughout the 4 hour lasting time of the injection and means that I need to consider if I need to eat before work in order to maintain a level sugar throughout the first period of work or if I need to inject more insulin to get myself to a stable point during work. If all is well then I make a lunch, which I stick to a routine within, meaning I usually eat the same thing each lunch so that I can work with minimal factors influencing the sugar level and stick to a routine that I have become adapted to at the moment.

Work: (23:00-7:00) Since it has become warmer recently I now bike to work that is about 15 minutes of activity which I have to consider how hard I am biking because as I get to work the insulin that I injected when I woke up will change sensitivity and it will affect the sugar level during the first period of work - so I suppose I can mention here that recently I have been going low just before work starts and usually eat a banana to correct it….since I started working nights, and even previously within the job that I do, days that I am not low during work is a rarity and I always carry 3 bananas with myself along with `emergency sugar` which is a candy that I will bring along because of the pattern shown throughout the time that I have been working. Since the job that I do is physically demanding I have to keep in mind when I've injected insulin and how much I've injected, like .5 of a unit will make a drastic change in the sugar level throughout the next period of work, and since it is physically demanding I need to cut back the amount of insulin that I would normally inject, which took a bit of time to figure out how much I needed to inject for the food that I ate, which is why I stick to the food routine. The sugar levels during work are usually in the `acceptable range` (4mmol-8mmol) and I suppose that is due to the physical activity and the balancing of sugar correction throughout the periods of work. A point to mention here, that I will write about later, is the affect of adrenaline and noticing the symptoms of being low.

Getting home/school: (7:00-12:00) When I get home the sugar level is normally good because of the work that I just did and the affects of activity, although there have been times where I have been high returning from work which I do not exactly know the reason for, but have based it on the fact that I slow down my activity during work near the end of the night. I test my blood sugar and only eat something small like an apple because when I did eat cereal or something high in carbohydrates the time during school I would be running high for a while and correcting the sugar during school has been a pain in the ass for sometime because if I am high and I need to correct the sugar, the affect of dropping in sugar level is similar to the experience of being low and I find it incredibly hard to concentrate when this is happening, so I decided to eat something small which I normally don't need insulin for, because of the activity of work, which has been supportive recently since I do not experience too many lows during school any longer and thus can concentrate a lot better, not to mention give myself the ability to process the information. During school I inject 23 decilitres of insulin again. I used to be very self conscious about injecting insulin in front of people to the point where I would not inject insulin when eating if I was in public which was quite dangerous now looking at it.

When I get home from school, I test again, eat, inject insulin and sit down for about 2 hours studying if I need to or fall asleep. Eating so early to bed has been a problem and is most likely the cause to the morning highs, although I have noticed some other factors that can really influence the sugar level in the morning such as stress or simply resistance to working on something.

In the next posts I will certainly go into much more detail and take apart many aspects of a diabetic life and expand on the relationship lines between each aspect, but for now I hope that this overview gives you an insight into what a diabetic lives with and has to consider on a daily basis, and possibly information that you can apply to your own life.

Day 2 - Should we Trust Nutrition Labels?

As a type 1 diabetic I rely on the nutrition food labels to be accurate and concise with the information that they put on the nutrition labels and I, in some ways, need to trust that information is correct on all packages and foods, but I've found that this is not the case on all foods…there is only one instance that I've found so far that the information is misleading, but I am sure that there are more - specifically with the foods being labelled "organic" or "Healthy"

 

There is a bread that I use to make sandwiches for lunches and on the nutrition label it says "per 1 piece (40g) there are 20g of carbohydrates in each slice". This information I need to rely upon to calculate an accurate amount of insulin that I need to inject to counteract the sugar being processed in the body from the metabolizing of the carbohydrates. This bread is a bread that is descending in size throughout the package, so like there are pieces that are larger and there are pieces that are smaller than the previous one.

In order to be much more accurate I decided to buy a scale a few months ago and start to actually weigh the food that I was eating so that I could be as accurate as possible - using the weight rather than the serving size - because like with boxes of macaroni it says per 1/4 box = 60g of carbs, so I mean how do I accurately measure 1/4 of a box or estimate what 1/4 of a box is, so weighing the food that I was eating made the calculations much more accurate because I could divide the amount of food that I was eating by the serving size in g written on the nutrition label and multiply that by the amount of carbs in each serving size in grams. So back to the bread - I started to weigh out the bread and found that each time I weighed the bread, each reading was far over 80g (2 slices), the highest reading I found the bread to weigh was 150g which is nearly double what the nutrition labels says each slice weighs and thus nearly double the amount of carbohydrates in those 2 slices of bread.

Before then I did not have a scale and was still using this bread for sandwiches for lunch as work, and this could have severely fucked with the sugar levels and insulin injections throughout work - luckily though my work is a physical job and during that time I was finding the right amount of insulin to inject because of the effect of the amount of exercise the job has on the bodies sensitivity to insulin, so I had to deduct insulin from the injection due to the physical exercise - but there were times when I would have this bread on the weekends or on days when I was not physically active and inject 4 units of insulin for the 2 slices that I was eating, basing my injection off of the information on the nutrition label - my carb to unit ratio is roughly 10g/1u - when really I needed was 150/40=3.75 3.75*20=75 <- 7.5 units of insulin for the 75g of carbs in those slices of bread, and thus this would cause my sugar levels to go higher than I had expected due to the misinformation printed on the nutrition labels, …each unit of insulin reduces the sugar level by 2mmol/l so each 10g of carbs increases the sugar level by 2mmol/l which  escalated the sugar an extra 7mmol/l above my target when calculating an accurate amount of insulin to inject for what I was eating, and if you didn't know, 7mmol/l is a drastic difference in blood glucose.

So then the question is posed can we as a society trust the information printed on nutrition labels? From this example the answer is no, No because there, more or less, is always a motive behind the labels or within/as the labels themselves defined in the word `nutrients`. This bread that I gave as an example is defined as a `healthy` bread and from the starting point of wanting to look and be perceived as `healthy` they do not give accurate information - they only give accurate information on the smallest slice of bread in the package - Why? To make it look healthy, to lower the carb counts and the calorie count in on the information presented, but this improper use of the information on the nutrition labels can have severe affects on those whom are diabetic, or whom have other food illnesses, such as celiac disease where one much look at the ingredient list for any substance that has wheat or wheat based additives, and there has been times where the information printed on the ingredient label is deceiving as well, I know this because my mother has celiac disease and when she consumes gluten she throws up violently for a few hours - meaning she has bought products that has no ingredient listed on the list that has gluten in it, yet from eating that product she has reacted in such a manner, physically proving that there was in fact gluten on in the product

The entire point behind the misinformation and mislabeling of nutrition labels or food labels is due to money, for the example with the bread, the company wants to market their product as healthy and for those who are `health nuts` to buy this bread. The company clearly has enough wherewithal to understand that their consumers will be looking at the nutrition label for the `indicators` of the product being healthy such as a low calorie number or low carbohydrate number and thus accordingly only place the `1 slice serving` as the smallest piece of bread in the package allowing the label to be `acceptable`  with the lowest numbers possible yet, quite misleading and quite dangerous for those who rely heavily on and need to trust that the information presented is accurate.

 

What is the solution here? The solution would to `govern` the labels much more severely and put the labels through much more testing before they are allowed to be placed on the product. The solution would to eradicate the point of profit from the companies so that instances like this do not cause harm to life as it has with myself and with any other diabetics who are unaware of this fact, remove profit because it is from the point of profit and greed that this abuse towards life exists, and this solution is presented with the Equal Money System which can be read further in detail at http://equalmoney.org

I also suggest to read http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2013/03/capitalism-joke-is-on-us-food-labelling.html for more of a perspective on this issue and on the solution presented.

Post #3 - Day 62 Autoimmunity and Diabetes

Post From - (http://paulsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-62-autoimmunity-and-diabetes.html)

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the information that diabetes is caused by an autoimmune disease without questioning what autoimmunity is and how autoimmunity works, and how the immune system has been designed to act on auto pilot to attack a part of itself that is beneficial to itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be told that diabetes is caused by an auto immune system disorder and leave it at that, not questioning what in fact needs to take place within the body for the immune system to become on auto pilot, and why is it automatically designed to attack the pancreas

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the body works as a system of input and output like all life here on this planet and has specific system information for each part of the body and that for an auto immune system to take place I as creator must have placed information into/as the body through my actions and thoughts in order for the immune system to automatically start to attack the pancreas

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because it has been said that the cause of diabetes is this auto immune disorder that there will be no cure as it is supposedly `just something that happens`, when through my diagnoses I was diagnosed when I was 14 so it had to take 14 years for the `automatic` part of the immune system to take place meaning that it wasn't immediately automatic or I would have been diagnosed much sooner then 14 and that it means that I had done something to trigger the auto immunity within body that sent system coding for the immune system to attack the pancreas

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the people in high places in this world, high places regarding money, want to keep their money and the constant input of money and a cure would mean that they will no longer have money coming in from diabetics to support their lives, jobs, and companies, so a cure would not be in the best interest of all those employed within the diabetic industry because of the way we have accepted the monetary system to run, and only through implementing and equal money system will we ever see a cure developed for anything that currently exists that makes money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that only through our being within our minds does the body in fact run on auto-pilot because if we had to in fact control everything in the body we would immediately die from not being here with the body, in this that the auto-pilot is designed within the body for the best functions of the body and only through our input as foods and thoughts and our treatment of the body do we alter the functions of the body to not be what is in fact best for the body, in this causing the body to harm itself due to the programmed functions, meaning that illness and dis-ease is caused by what we have done within the body and not necessarily because of the body itself. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the awareness to see in self-honesty how I as the body caused what the body has become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see the correlation within my thoughts of basically flagellation and the auto immune system disorder that attack the body, wherein my thoughts often lead to self-judgment and harm and a beating up on myself for being, and in this not realizing that this would have a massive impact on the body overtime and that over time it would then train the body to harm itself for being, as shown through autoimmune destruction of the pancreas, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider all factors within this reality that would be a possibility for dis-ease to exist, and to only chalk up the diagnoses to one simple cause as an auto immune disorder

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diagnose dis-ease when I in fact have no idea how reality in fact functions, on how the interplay between all aspects of reality affect reality to exist the way it does, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diagnose a dis-ease from the information and knowledge that I have been taught and searched for not realizing that information and knowledge is in fact useless and only a blind onto how reality in fact functions as the cooperation between all beings to exist, in this not understanding the cooperation between all beings in existence, nor the intricate communication between each down to the smallest point in the physical existence equal and one with the largest point of existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a human believe that I am above all other beings because I have knowledge and information about how reality works, but not a equal and one understanding as myself of how reality in fact works, and that the understanding of reality is in separation within the mind as information and knowledge when that is in fact not understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the industry that is in control of the medication of this reality is also in control of the food in this reality and that diabetes is a disease that needs to be monitored through food and medication and that there can be manipulated self-interest here where the food that we input will eventually require medication to stabilize the body because this money system works within the possibilities of this interaction and the human greed is enough to manipulate the system to get it to this point where food will cause requirements for medication as shown through type 2 diabetes where diet is easily the cure for type 2 diabetes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system to exist where there is a mediator between what is accepted and food and what is accepted as medication that is under the same control of the same agency meaning that it is in it's best interest the manipulate the food that is consumed to make money off of consumers later on through causing dis-ease where on would then need to buy medication to continue to live causing the agency that monitors the food and drugs permitted in this system to make a lot of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for the interactions that I have permitted within the body through my abdication of being here with the body, and in this not taking responsibility, separate myself from the body from standing equal and one with the body allowing myself to not see what I have been doing to the body as the creator of the body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use myself as a point to investigate in looking at all the points within myself prior to being diagnoses with diabetes, and see what in fact took place before I was diagnosed that could lead to the point of the immune system attacking the insulin producing cells in the body, of whether it was diet, whether it was thought manifestation, whether it was a combination of variables within reality, and in this find the source to the cause of the system dis-ease that leads to diabetes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to opportunity to clearly investigate why and how the immune system decides to attack the pancreas to stop it producing insulin which is a beneficial hormone for the body  to function `normally` and in this to not investigate all environmental factors as to what happened in each case of a diabetic that lead to the immune system to be programmed into attacking the pancreas to stop producing insulin

I commit myself to investigate the points within myself prior to being diagnoses with diabetes as to what environmental factors and self-behaviours that lead to the manifestation of the dis-ease of diabetes

I commit myself to standing for all diabetics and people with dis-ease in their life through support of the equal money system wherein profit is not the motive of life, but life being the motive of life wherein cures are then able to exist because there will not be profit motive behind the continuation of dis-ease and illness

I commit myself to walking myself backwards in time and establishing an effective communication with the body in how I in fact created the dis-ease that is diabetes within myself and how to properly stand in the place of the pancreas to be the best support that I can be for the body

I commit myself to not simply accept that the cause for diabetes is an auto-immune disorder that is just because it is, and to commit myself to investigate exactly what happened in my life that lead to the immune system automatically deciding for itself to attack the pancreas, and what information I input into the body that would lead it to end up attacking the pancreas."

Post #1 Day 55 - Diabetes

For Context of the title the "Post #" will be the order that I am posting from the other blog - and the "Day #" is the title from the other blog - I will start from Day 2 Once I start to post `new` content that I've written

Post from http://paulsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-55-diabetes.html

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there will be a cure for diabetes in the coming years because when I was diagnosed I was told that in my lifetime there will be a cure, in this hoping for a cure and not effectively investigating the cause of diabetes through going through my life and seeing what exactly triggered it and how I created it as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put faith in a cure when diabetes is a $90 billion a year industry, and within the capitalistic system, where profit is the goal of the game of money, the companies who manufactures diabetes medicines, machines and tools are not willing to let go of that money in order to support a cure - so goes with all disease and illness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system wherein as a child we are bombarded with images on commercials showing happy, outgoing, cartoon characters that are the logos and mascots for high sugar cereals, wherein we as children connect these images to what we want because of the imagery within the commercials, only with consideration for profit and not the quality of life that the child lives as most children then end up becoming addicted to sugar without knowing it, and live their lives consuming foods that they were programmed to consume as a child

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system wherein the only consideration of value in this life is profit, allowing companies to justify feeding people sugary food that has no real support for the body, only support for profit, so that the companies can make profit and support the capitalistic system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system wherein there are governmental institutions that regulate food, that are supposed to regulate food, but only have the real consideration for/as money, because if they actually had consideration for/as life within the food that we consume many of the products on the shelves would not exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a corrupt system where the only value is money allowing ourselves to feed ourselves and to be fed mass amounts of sugar to keep us happy wherein we are not ever told to consider what we put into our body and the biochemistry that happens within the body when we consume what we consume with consideration of what is best for life as the body and physical well being of ourselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support diabetes research funding that says that they are researching for a cure for both types of diabetes when really they are only creating new ways of monitoring diabetes for further profit within the capitalistic system and burying opportunities to find cures

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to realize that there already have been cures that have been reported in underground news but have been suppressed by the medicine giants that rake in billions a year from diabetics showing that there will only ever be real medicine as cures when life is valued within a new economic system that stops they interplay of money and value and profit, and gives money equally to everyone, where all are haves, and life is valued equally throughout the planet in equality and oneness, where life becomes equally dignified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put trust and faith in doctors and medicine to support me as life when in this game of money the only thing that they really care about is if I have money to support myself as life and they do not in fact care about myself as life at all or the doctors who really understand medicine would have supported a cure and not further monitoring devices and tools in which diabetics are dependent on for the rest of their lives. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that diabetes was caused due to an `auto-immune` disease, wherein the cause is easily defined without actual investigation as to exactly why and how I ended up creating diabetes within myself, or why and how the immune system started to attack the pancreas, in what and how I lived before having diabetes that lead to me being diagnosed with diabetes = what triggered diabetes within the body, and how to solve that problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am my body in fact and only through the mind have I separated myself from the body as life and through allowing myself to be programmed into/as this world in accepting and allowing the system within and without did I accept myself as separation of/as the body, not realizing that I am able to communicate with the body in equality and oneness when/as standing equal and one to the body in all ways where I communicate using breath and being here as me as life in self-awareness as the body as the breath as all the inner workings of the body in equality and oneness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going through life with diabetes because of the constant necessity in having to manage diabetes throughout my entire life, and have to deal with the consequences if I do not manage it correctly as well wherein I am able to lose limbs, go blind, have the kidney's fail due to improper management of diabetes and in this fear of going through life with diabetes, fear seeing the evidence that I am not taking good care of myself as a diabetic through high blood sugar readings and in this fear not test but only go from how I physically feel allowing myself to compromise myself further and in this want to end my existence here because of the suffering I believe I will go through, instead of allowing myself to become a test subject of how and why diabetes manifests within the body so that I am able to support a cure as that is what I would like for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that there is something completely fucking wrong with diabetes when I can test on two different meters and get two different blood test results using the same drop of blood wherein one will say that I am low when I am not and one will say that I am fine, causing one to believe if one were using the mis-calibrated machine since the start of diabetes that one is low when in fact one is not and that the blood sugar is fine when it is not, which end up causing more issues within the body of diabetics which further cost money to correct which in turn fuels the capitalistic system more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust this world will take care of me because I am a diabetic and I need the insulin to live, not realizing that this world does not In fact give a fuck about life, it only cares if I have the money in which to further support this system, and that it will only care about me if I generate money, in this not realizing that some people have to pay outrageous amounts of money to get the supplies that they need because they do not have coverage for the supplied that they need to LIVE and in this lack of having coverage for the supplies, compromise themselves through using needles over and over again until they can no longer be used, which causes further problems, not test as often as they should to effectively monitor their blood sugar which causes more problem that inevitably lead to paying more money to correct or develop the ability to live with the problems

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a system wherein if one does not have money to support oneself as life then one is left to die and starve in this world, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to state `this is North America, we don't allow this to happen to people` when we are in fact absolutely responsible for the starvation across the world, and absolutely responsible for the poverty even within our own borders, and that we only give a fuck about a person if they first have money, as shown through the stigma of/as being a bum

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a system where life is not supported in any way what so every shown through the food that is accepted and allowed to be consumed by the human wherein it creates detrimental effects to the physical body and wherein the cause of such diseases relating from such diets is only said to have been caused by auto-immune deficiencies and that the bodies are to blame, not taking into consideration the diets that have been supported where everything of the physical is not taken into consideration of what is best for the physical, the only thing that is taken into consideration is money and sex where diets are supported for money and people go on diets to become slim and get sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that something is fucked up in this world where we allow children to eat food that we as adults would never allow ourselves to eat because of the high sugar content, and yet we allow ourselves to go out to a store and buy these products for kids because they are `for` kids, not realizing that the child has a body that is equal and one to as our bodies as physical life and it works in the same properties wherein it becomes programmed into/as a pattern through/as the input that is placed within it, allowing myself to be irresponsible at effectively raising a child in this world and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the child is equal and one to me and must be supported in the same way with food as I support my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as I consume fructose the liver breaks it down into a poison basically and that the only thing that is able to be consumed that has fructose in it are fruits because they have the fibre necessary to support the break down of fructose, making fruit drinks, that which have been programmed and supported as good, the worst thing that can be consumed as it is basically injecting poison into the body, because the fruit drinks do not have the fibre within them, only the sugar and juice of the fruit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  allow a system where disease and illness are not supported with cures and where the diseases and illnesses are purposely supported within the system in order to generate more money, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that we are humans are absolutely evil because money is only the tools in which we use to express ourselves and we are evil in using money, in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the human must undergo extensive change in order to ever be life itself instead of the destruction that it has become now.

I commit myself to show this world as a diabetic how fucked up the system has become wherein diabetes is actually supported in this world through diet structures and the foods that we consume as children and eventually become addicted to

I commit myself to live as an example of what can become of ourselves if we allow ourselves to eat what we want when we want, wherein I now fight with heaven every day where heaven tries to take me from this existence and only through the injections and management of the body do I delay the movement into/as heaven

I commit myself to standing in this world system as support for life in supporting myself as life as being a diabetic doing the best for me as life in monitoring the diabetes and researching what is in fact supportive for the body through what we consume, and not demonizing one food or the next as it is shown that all food types are essential, it is only what we as humanity have produced that has become fucked up as our starting point is fucked up = money, self-interest and profit

I commit myself to support an equal money system where the value in life is life itself and where life will then be truly supported to prosper and where actual cures will be produced because the goal will no longer be money but quality of life equally lived throughout the globe

I commit myself in supporting myself as life in doing what is best for me in monitoring the sugar levels and doing the best that I can in each breath here to care, not manage, but care for myself as a diabetic, and in this establish an effective communication with/as the body of/as what it needs to support itself through removing the mental distraction and sticking in breath."