Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Day 21 - Highs, Apathy and Thought
When I wake up with a high, I do not want to get up, even if there is something that I absolutely need to do in that moment. I wake up and I feel like shit, physically, and therefore I do not want to get up and start the day - I feel very apathetic and only want to sleep longer - this also might be because of the fact that the blood that the heart is pumping around is like a sludge and sleeping is the easiest state in which to pump it around the body - like if I become active, get up and start moving then the heart has to work much harder, but regardless of that point, the thoughts and apathy are still relevant towards the high blood sugars, because they work hand in hand - the thoughts of apathy attribute to the high blood sugars, and the high blood sugars attribute to the thoughts and influence the mind as well. I've noted that when/as I am depressed that as soon as I walk myself out of that depression the affects of insulin on the body dramatically change - same thing for this point - the thoughts affect the body and the body affects the thoughts.
Once again the relationship between mind and body correlate quite nicely and do affect and influence each other. I have not yet worked through the point of stopping those apathetic thoughts when waking up with high blood sugar, mostly because it is the mornings and I am not completely aware within the mornings, but it will be fascinating to see what changes when I move on that point. So like when I wake up with high blood sugars the body feels very sluggish and feels void of water, most likely is, and when that feeling exists within the body the mind goes into a state of apathy, lethargy and like an uncaring - and this is because of the change in the state of the body that the mind then reacts with the change.
This is another point for me to walk through because again it seems like the state of the mind is going to have an influence on the body, such as it does with depression, and it will be fascinating to see the difference as I walk through the emotions of lethargy and apathy and a point of uncaring because those emotions are something that I face in my day to day life, and it is clear that those emotions are not providing or giving what is best for all in this world because the microcosm of/as the influence that it has on the body with diabetes is not what is best for it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the thoughts that are suggesting that I do not care about getting up when I wake up with high blood sugar and that I only want to sleep more, not realizing or seeing that by sleeping longer I am causing the body more harm because I am not getting up to inject insulin and correct the high blood sugar
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a relationship to exist between high blood sugars and apathy/lethargy wherein I allow the mind to react with thoughts of lethargy and apathy when the blood sugars are high which in turn, as I allow myself to accept the thoughts, causes more harm to the body and creates negative consequences for my reality as I do not direct things or live the point of responsibility for my reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed high blood sugar to create thoughts of lethargy and apathy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the thoughts that I want to sleep longer and not get up because I physically feel like shit and do not want to feel like shit, so rather just ignore it and go back to sleep,
I commit myself to walk this process further in relation to investigating the relationship between high blood sugars and the influences that it has on the mind and what/how stopping the thoughts changes the body and/or simply what changes as I stop the thoughts and focus solely on the body and supporting the body
I commit myself to when/as I have the thoughts of apathy and lethargy when the blood sugars are high to stop, breathe, bring myself back here in awareness of the body regardless of how it physically feels and give myself the effort and time to correct the sugars within the body because I realize that as I accept the thoughts of lethargy and apathy I am harming the body more because I am not getting up to do anything and I am not correcting the struggles that the body is going through.