Day 22 - Highs, Apathy and Thought Part 2

Continuing on from the previous post concerning the relationships between the mind and the body within diabetes and how high blood sugar levels can influence and affect the state of mind that one is in and how correcting those points within self will also assist and support self within stabilizing diabetes.

In the previous post I was writing about how high blood sugars stimulate apathy and depression within me and what I have been finding is that if I continue to allow that apathy, lethargy or depression to continue to exist within myself then the blood sugars for the rest of the day still remain quite difficult to manage - like the insulin that I inject does not have as much of an affect as if I do not have them running around within me.

Now I am still working on the point = the point is still coming up and I am still working on the stabilization of the point and of myself within the mornings when I wake up in the mornings. So like what I have found is that it will start to happen during the night - like there will be a specific emotional movement within myself, and it can be coming from a variety of emotions within myself - like frustration can trigger the highs in the morning - like sometimes there are points during the day that I have not yet lot go of during the night and then that like sits within the body throughout the night, then, from what I've noticed, it creates a point within the body that makes it difficult for the body to metabolize the insulin that is already within the body - like I have checked this point within myself = injecting the same insulin that resulted in waking up fine, but when/as I have these systems within the body - usually consisting of a negative energy - it results in higher blood sugars and a difficulty in processing the insulin that's within the body and it has a specific physiological affect on the body - like the emotions of frustration apathy or lethargy etc have a `heavy` affect on the body - so like if someone has participated in depression before it is easy to see how much it literally weighs down the body and as it weighs down the body it has the affects that I have been describing = slower insulin metabolization and also the control of the blood sugars becomes quite difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, see and understand that as I am accepting negative emotions I am also accepting the physiological affects it has on the body and thus am making the management of the body and doing what is best for the body within the disease of diabetes much harder and difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for the emotions that I go through and support myself to remove those emotions as fast as possible so that I do not cause unneeded consequences for the body within taking care of the body within diabetes

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take the proper steps needed when waking up high with/as a feeling of apathy or lethargy via breathing, giving the body the water it requires within that moment and slowly but surely building up the momentum to start moving myself within the day - in this I commit myself to breathing when I wake up high and there is that feeling of being lethargic or lazy moving myself slowly and calmly to start the day - grab a glass of water and give the body the water that it needs within that moment and in this sit down with the body to not exert too much energy and relax with the body for a while, stabilizing myself within the body -breathing and applying self forgiveness for any movements of lethargy, apathy, or a general feeling of laziness within that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to roam around in the mind when waking up with a high blood sugar, like wake up and then sit there within the mind and allow the thoughts of apathy and lethargy move where I am creating this resistance towards moving myself in the morning due to the thoughts of apathy and lethargy and a general negative emotional experience and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to flag that point of sitting in bed thinking about how I do not want to do anything and just be lazy so that I can give myself the opportunity to correct this point rather than sitting in bed and continue to think and try and fall asleep again

I commit myself to when/as I find myself waking up and the body feels like it has a high blood sugar and I am sitting there within the body and within the mind thinking about how I do not want to get up and start the day, I stop, I breathe, I take note of the thoughts that are moving around and I stabilize myself within the body and commit myself to stop the thoughts because I realize that allowing myself to stir within the mind, circling around thoughts about not getting up, or about resisting starting the day or like thoughts about sabotaging myself in someway is not going to support the body in stabilizing the blood sugar and it is not something that I, in self honesty, want to live within the day - I mean the feeling of having high blood sugar alone is reason enough to get out of bed and correct the point

I will again, continue to walk this point/system within my daily living and explore what happens in/as the moment I correct the blood sugars - like what happens to the mind and also what happens to the body when/as I correct the mind and the relationships between the two.

Day 21 - Highs, Apathy and Thought

Recently I have been waking up with high blood sugars and by high blood sugars I mean much higher than what would be `ok` for me to handle. For reference sugars should be between 4 and 8 mmol/l and I have been waking up with 20's to 25's in the past 2 weeks - not everyday but much more often than I would like. Like usually I am ok with one of those readings a week but the rate that they have been occurring is not ok with me at the moment. Anyhow what I have been noticing is that there is a specific mental reaction to those sugars and those mental reactions are of apathy, being unmotivated, and wanting to sabotage myself.

When I wake up with a high, I do not want to get up, even if there is something that I absolutely need to do in that moment. I wake up and I feel like shit, physically, and therefore I do not want to get up and start the day - I feel very apathetic and only want to sleep longer - this also might be because of the fact that the blood that the heart is pumping around is like a sludge and sleeping is the easiest state in which to pump it around the body - like if I become active, get up and start moving then the heart has to work much harder, but regardless of that point, the thoughts and apathy are still relevant towards the high blood sugars, because they work hand in hand - the thoughts of apathy attribute to the high blood sugars, and the high blood sugars attribute to the thoughts and influence the mind as well. I've noted that when/as I am depressed that as soon as I walk myself out of that depression the affects of insulin on the body dramatically change - same thing for this point - the thoughts affect the body and the body affects the thoughts.

Once again the relationship between mind and body correlate quite nicely and do affect and influence each other. I have not yet worked through the point of stopping those apathetic thoughts when waking up with high blood sugar, mostly because it is the mornings and I am not completely aware within the mornings, but it will be fascinating to see what changes when I move on that point. So like when I wake up with high blood sugars the body feels very sluggish and feels void of water, most likely is, and when that feeling exists within the body the mind goes into a state of apathy, lethargy and like an uncaring - and this is because of the change in the state of the body that the mind then reacts with the change.

This is another point for me to walk through because again it seems like the state of the mind is going to have an influence on the body, such as it does with depression, and it will be fascinating to see the difference as I walk through the emotions of lethargy and apathy and a point of uncaring because those emotions are something that I face in my day to day life, and it is clear that those emotions are not providing or giving what is best for all in this world because the microcosm of/as the influence that it has on the body with diabetes is not what is best for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the thoughts that are suggesting that I do not care about getting up when I wake up with high blood sugar and that I only want to sleep more, not realizing or seeing that by sleeping longer I am causing the body more harm because I am not getting up to inject insulin and correct the high blood sugar

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a relationship to exist between high blood sugars and apathy/lethargy wherein I allow the mind to react with thoughts of lethargy and apathy when the blood sugars are high which in turn, as I allow myself to accept the thoughts, causes more harm to the body and creates negative consequences for my reality as I do not direct things or live the point of responsibility for my reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed high blood sugar to create thoughts of lethargy and apathy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the thoughts that I want to sleep longer and not get up because I physically feel like shit and do not want to feel like shit, so rather just ignore it and go back to sleep,

I commit myself to walk this process further in relation to investigating the relationship between high blood sugars and the influences that it has on the mind and what/how stopping the thoughts changes the body and/or simply what changes as I stop the thoughts and focus solely on the body and supporting the body

I commit myself to when/as I have the thoughts of apathy and lethargy when the blood sugars are high to stop, breathe, bring myself back here in awareness of the body regardless of how it physically feels and give myself the effort and time to correct the sugars within the body because I realize that as I accept the thoughts of lethargy and apathy I am harming the body more because I am not getting up to do anything and I am not correcting the struggles that the body is going through.

Day 20 - The Relationship with Being Low and Being Here

I had an interesting experience with a low yesterday and what I noticed is that it can become really dangerous when self is not here in awareness in/or/as self within/as the physical reality

For context; I was feeling a bit high when I was leaving to go out grocery shopping, I had a few coffees with sugar before that and I just woke up before that and when I wake up I have been finding that the insulin I inject at that time is not as effective as other times, this is mainly due to, from what I've read, the start up processes of the body where the body creates sugar in the mornings or when self wakes up to give the body a bit of energy so you can start the day; so when I inject insulin in the mornings I've found that it is not as effective. I also had the coffees with sugar so I decided to inject insulin based on those factors in which I did not think that I was going to go low from

As I was driving I was feeling like I was low but there is also something that I like to call a false low which is when the blood sugar is dropping and when that happens you can basically just wait and breathe and eventually the physical feelings of being low will fade away so again I decided to breathe and wait it out and continue on with getting groceries cause I didn't think that I was actually going low

By the time that I got to the grocery store the feelings of being low were still around, I was still not able to concentrate effectively, I was still feeling physically weak so I was starting to plan when/where/how I am going to get sugar, luckily they were offering cookies at the entrance to the grocery store cause it's the holiday season which was quite beneficial for me lol, so when I had the cookie I was like ok, I will wait it out again, wait till the sugar from the cookie is digested and placed into the blood stream and wait to feel better so I continued shopping for groceries.

I went to the produce section first and I was still feeling like shit, still waiting for the cookie to kick in and still thinking/hoping that it would kick in soon enough; it never did, so the blood sugar continued to drop. I didn't think that the low was that bad because usually there is like an experience of fear and worry and stress that signifies a serious low, but in stopping the emotions in that time I was not catching the `seriousness` of the low. The seriousness started to show when my vision started to go and this is where the title of the blog becomes relevant. When I started to lose my vision I was noticing an interesting thing that I have not noticed before - some of the images that I was seeing were carrying over into the next moment as I would move my eyes. So for instance I was starting at this machine that looked like a big pressure cooker and then I looked over towards apples or something and the image of the pressure cooker carried over to the apples and I didn't immediately see the apples, I had to take a step back, clear myself, then take a look again. Now what I noticed about that moment was that I was thinking about the pressure cooker, I was thinking about what it was, what the employees specifically used it for, you know, and then as I stared away the image carried over with it. This same thing happened with a memory where I went off into a memory and then again it was like right here infront of me - more so than it would be if I was `normal` like when a memory comes up it is in front of the `third eye` but one can see the physical reality in front of self, like all physical reality shut out and all I saw was the memory - it was really interesting and I have yet to find a suitable explanation but it seems like the brain didn't have the capacity to fuel both the image of the memory and the physical reality and thus it becomes really dangerous to participate in the mind when going low cause the separation from physical reality is clearly quite detrimental. When I did go into that mind state when the image would carry over I would more so lose my balance cause I was not aware of my physical body, I was not away of the physical reality in/as balance, gravity and stabilization.

What this shows is how much participating in the mind actually separates me from the physical reality, it shows that when I participate in the mind in thought/projection/imagination we severely cut ourselves out from the physical reality, we forget all things around us, we only see the image of the thought, and as I look at it the body does all these things for us, it stays within the physical reality and supports us to be here in the physical reality, meaning that because the body didn't have the energy/fuel to remain here within the physical reality, the second I went into the mind and thought the body quickly struggled to remain physically stable - so herein we have a responsibility for the body and for ourselves to get out of the mind, get out of the thoughts/emotions/feelings that accompany participating in energy within the mind and focus ourselves here on the body and supporting the body equally as it has been supporting us the entire time without us even being aware of it. So in this I mean, I know that I personally do participate a lot in the mind, random thoughts, imaginations etc and I never realized how much the body was actually supporting me in this physical reality unconditionally, how often that, despite my participation in the mind, it was here for me keeping me here, because I mean taking a look at that point, as a resident of the body I have done not much to support it in the physical reality - I have allowed myself to go into the mind and cut myself out from the physical reality and I'm sure that as I do this I am creating consequences for the body - possible needing to expend more energy to remain stable here as it doesn't have support but the opposite rather, cause I am not here as I think or participate in the mind and I am not giving care or support to the body when having physical ailment such as diabetes.

So I will be working on being here more cause it has been a point that I have been looking at recently as there have been more problems with the body that I have been noticing start to heal as I calm myself down within the mind and stop myself from going off into the mind on random tangents.

Overall we have a responsibility to our bodies to give it more support to be here rather than it having to do it solely by itself. I suggest to investigate Desteni to understand what the mind is what/how we've designed it to be and have been using it for and how it has become detrimental towards the body and the physical reality

Day 19 - Don't be Depressed About Diabetes, See it's Opportunities

Depression with diabetes can certainly exist. We may become depressed at the prospect of losing limbs, of kidney disease, of blindness, of heart failure and at a life being controlled and limited by insulin dosages, lows, highs, testing apparatuses, a limitation on medication hindering self from travelling for extended periods at times, and the heavy heavy reliance on money to be able to effective manage and take care of self. There are many factors to consider within diabetes that when looking at it are not fun, they are not enjoyable experiences and overall diabetes can be an absolute bitch to live with.

For me depression does occur from time to time when looking at the overall equation of diabetes. Looking at living my life in relation to diabetes, looking at always being reliant on insulin, looking at the fear of losing a limb or another health problem, looking at the sleepless nights, looking at the interrupted activities, looking at the things that I cannot do because of diabetes. It can be like, I've had enough of living like this, I have had enough of diabetes, I don't want to do this any longer, it is annoying, it is relentless, merciless and unforgiving - I give up, I am not caring any longer, I am just going to disconnect from reality and disconnect from my environment and sit and wallow in a state of depression. This can also lead to suicide where I have also considered this point in the beginning of being a diabetic, I thought why the fuck live if I have to live like this or with this disease? Overall Diabetes CAN be depressing yet it doesn't need to be

The depression, if you take a look at it, is a decision within self to not support self, to not remain in consideration of the physical body and the new role that you have to play in/as care of the body = it kicks you the FUCK out of the mind and brings you to the physical reality to start to consider the body more = the body is not on automated pilot any longer and thus we cannot abuse the body any longer with the choices that we make = every choice that we make is going to have consequences on the physical body and it is a new responsibility to start to consider those consequences as we have previously not done - so when depressed we decide that we not longer want to take a bit more extra care and consideration for the physical body, more than we have in the past in pre-diagnoses. This means that this depression is not a valid point to consider within our lives because it is only an emotional reaction to having to consider a few more things in our reality and let go of a few points that only consider what we want in order to consider the body and the consequences of our choices on the body

What I have found within walking this point for a while is that with living with diabetes, it can really be a gift because we're able to consider more than the normal human being. We're able to consider how and what it is that we're choosing to do is going affect the body and the blood sugar levels, affect stress levels, affect the metabolism of sugar and insulin rates, and I have found that these are really cool things as I take a look at it without any emotions getting in the way. Diabetes is a REALLY cool support tool to take a look at where we are within ourselves, like I have a notebook full of recordings that as I take a look back I can see where and how I was not dedicated to myself and living because there is a gap in information = I didn't care enough at that point in time to take effective care and consideration of myself and when/as we're not taking care of ourselves and the blood sugar is going wildly out of control it gives us a kick in the ass to check out where we are at in the state of ourselves. Like take a look at ourselves when we're depressed, we stop caring and then the blood sugars start to get out of hand, they start to correlate to the state that we're in within ourselves and thus we get a kick in the ass to pick ourselves up out of the shit that we're allowing within ourselves and correct it, get us back on tract to considering and caring for the physical body, not only ourselves but it can be applied to the rest of the world, it can be applied to all humans on this earth - we have to understanding of what/how our actions directly relate to the body and the pressures it puts it under - like with depression again, I've found that I need a lot more insulin to correct any sugar fluctuations and if it was not for diabetes I would not be able to be aware of how depression affects the body, how emotions and stress really fuck with the body - I most likely would have been ignorant to this point because of my allowance of myself in the past with emotions and feelings and stresses and ignorance of the body and what I was doing to the body.

So with depression and looking at life living with diabetes, sure, there are going to be a few hard times, but those hard times are always going to provide you opportunity to consider more things than we have been previously aware of. They allow us to gain more of an awareness of ourselves and how the body reacts to certain situations and scenarios and it gives us the opportunity to investigate ourselves and correct ourselves to best support the body and thus best support ourselves = like stresses, stress does raise the blood sugar level and instead of saying I've had enough of this disease and the stress rather say that I've had enough of the stress and then look at solutions to the stress = it provides us points to support not only diabetes but our entire existence - so stick with diabetes and don't let the ideas/emotions get the best of you - rather than looking at the problem look at what it is showing us and how we're able to change ourselves to support ourselves

Day 18 - Diabetic Depression Part 2

With depression and Diabetes there is another dimension that will drastically alter the way insulin and carbohydrates reacts within the body and that dimension is the depression itself. When one goes through depression there are chemicals running through the body and the body itself is usually stagnant and that means that there will be no exercise and the processes that the body normally uses to regulate and process the chemical that is the insulin is affected by the chemicals being produced via depression. I have noticed this myself as with my experience within depression and diabetes I have noted that the effects of insulin and carbohydrate usage are drastically altered when/as I am depressed and the moment I bring myself out of that depression it changes dramatically.

For instance, I was working a dead end job that was absolutely monotonous - I could do it without being aware of myself at all. Now during the nights that I would work my diabetes was fairly easy to manage with food as it was a physical job and I would be working off much, if not all, of what I ate, even if I was going relatively slow in comparison to other days. The days that I did go slow the sugar levels would still be stable - I just would not go low as much as other nights. Now when I was depressed and working this job I would go slow, drag my feet and be in this state within myself where all I could see and think about was the thoughts that I was being depressed about and the experience of being depressed. When I was in this state the body feels heavy and unmovable - as many people who go through depression are aware of - and in this state, even though I was moving and working at a rate that should have managed the sugar levels well but when I got to break and tested the blood sugar was WAY above normal and this was solely because of the depression that I was going through at that moment.

Another example was when I would be depressed and procrastinating doing some course work. Now when I was doing this I would sit slumped, I would be resting on my hand and in a very `slackerish` position with my body and in my mind. I can remember one clear memory of when I was high (blood sugar) and things were not responding the way that they normally would. I had to inject at least 50% more insulin for the same carbohydrates that I would eat and this was certainly a notable change. In the same moment I was able to simply take myself out of that depression through a choice to start working on the assignment that I was resisting and from this choice the body changed it's position and so did the mind. Once I started to move myself even within the small tasks of typing the body started to respond by starting to utilize the insulin effectively and efficiently and the carbohydrates were being processed more because I was using myself and the mind.

There was an article that I was reading online about the causes of high and low blood sugar and one of the causes was socialization - now I questioned why it was that socialization could alter the blood sugar in those moments and what I've found out recently is that when/as you use the mind in a way with effort, a similar effort to that of physical exercise the body responds in a similar manner. I've found that when I would be doing sales and talking to people that the blood sugar would respond in a similar manner as if I was doing physical exercise and that is because I was exercising the mind in those scenarios. The same thing applies to depression where within depression the mind is not being used efficiently nor effective and this can be easily seen within the body language that one goes through within depression - so here depression directly correlates to blood sugar levels and the effectiveness of insulin and the consumption rate of carbohydrates through the body because the depression does affect the body as all emotions affect the body = anger increases heart rate = it is easy to see how emotions, such as depression, can and do affect the homeostatic process of the body

Practical Assistance with this point is to be aware when/as you're going through depression and then correct the insulin dosages and carbohydrate intake when/as depression exists but to also not accept depression from yourself and to always look at solutions to depression rather than only looking at the problem so that the compromise of the body does not need to exist


In the next post I am going to look at the point of Living with diabetes and how that may trigger depression

Day 17 - Diabetic Depression

Depression can be quite crippling when diabetes is added into the equation. Not only can depression set in from being diagnosed with diabetes but depression can drastically alter the `normal` homeostasis that one gets used to when taking care of themselves with diabetes

So let's look at one point first, the point of being depressed when being diagnosed or realizing that diabetes is going to have it limits on what you can do and not do within this lifetime. The thoughts that may be going on in the mind when this point is triggered are "I can't do the same things that I could always do" or "Man, my life is going to suck from now on because I cannot live the same way that I could" or " My life is never going to be the same again" so if these thoughts run around in the mind and are not directed then depression most likely is going to set in because if one accepts these thoughts as valid then one is going to believe that life is not going to be the same and must change everything that they do or must stop participating in the activities that they once did then of course depression will occur from this point. I remember one specific memory of going into depression when I was diagnosed and that was when I was introduced to hitchhiking and when I got home and discussed it with my parents the point of diabetes was brought to my awareness so in that moment I realized that diabetes was going to limit me in this lifetime so I went into a depressed state for a while. I was upset at the fact that I would not be able to do what I would like. So yes there are limitations that diabetics have to endure but it doesn't mean that one's entire lifestyle must change drastically.

So for example, I was a big skateboarder a few years ago, by big I mean I did it every day for at least a hew hours a day. Now if you're you would understand how exercise can really lower blood sugar so when I was diagnosed it didn’t mean that I couldn't skateboard anymore or express myself within the point of enjoyment within physical activity it simply meant that I need to make sure that I covered a few more points before I could go out and skateboard, mainly so check my blood sugar to see where it was at before I would go out, although I didn’t always do this, and it meant that I have to bring a few sugary things with me so that I could correct any lo blood sugars that happened when I would be out skateboarding.

In this one may believe that self is alone within the disease but that isn't necessarily true. Yes, we have to take care of ourselves alone we are the ones who are with ourselves in each moment and we are the ones who are going to know what is best for us in relation to insulin dosages and activity levels and what actions result in what reactions within the body, but the idea/belief that we are completely alone and that no one else is going to understand the disease is not true. When I was skateboarding with a group of friends they would check up on me every so often, ask me if I was low or if I needed anything to make sure that I am ok, which was nice in hind sight, or when I did need something to eat but didn't have anything on me then they offered to help out by getting me something to eat somewhere or somehow. They understood the basics of the issue = if I was low then I needed sugar to bring myself back up and that is all that they really needed to know to assist and support me when I would go low.

For those who face depression from time to time in relation to being a diabetic, look at the thoughts that are coming up and question those thoughts and whether or not they are really valid, and in this to as well not accept limitations from yourself. If you believe or think that diabetes is going to limit you from doing something then investigate and find solutions to the problem rather than only looking at the problem. Like now I see that if I had enough supplies on me then I would be able to hitchhike for a while, then find a hospital in an area that I was heading to then ask them for supplies as most hospitals give away insulin for free when in need, this is for Canada at least = so there are solutions, one only must take into consideration a few more points when embarking on a task. As well these points of consideration are not a burden upon self but a cool gift - as one starts to consider much more things about the body than a `normal` person would and can give oneself a lived knowledge of what the body can handle in relation to points within diabetes.

No need to be depressed simply look for solutions than the `problems` that exist.

Day 16 - Frustration With Hypoglycemia Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit in bed when I feel weak and feel that I have a low blood sugar , entertaining and allowing thoughts of hoping that the feeling will just fade away so that I can go back to sleep - signalling to the body that I do not care about what it is physically going through, I only care about the experience of myself in sleep

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to ignore and push away the feeling of being low while I am in the middle of sleep or on the edge of consciousness where I allow myself to attempt to ignore the physical feeling of the body and the physicality of the body and drift off into consciousness stating that I have no care or consideration for the physical body within the point of care and support for it within the point of diabetes

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within that moment, if I hold off getting myself out of that sleepy state and going to go get something to eat or checking my blood sugar to make sure that I am low, then the feeling is not going to disappear so easily and I am going to get `worse` of a sleep than if I were to simply get up in that moment and correct the low that I am going through. As well, if the feeling does go away then I subject myself to waking up again feeling low and having to go through the whole debacle once more, so in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that what is best for me within that time and scenario is to get up regardless of questioning whether or not it is a low and eat something to support the body while being hypoglycemic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the relationship with the body to be less than the relationship with the mind wherein I have stated that I would rather participate in the mind than to correct and support the body via getting out of bed and treating the hypoglycemic episode - in this stating that I would rather go into the `dream` state that is involved with consciousness than to bring myself out of that state and into the physical reality via getting out of bed and getting something to eat in the middle of the night when I wake up due to a low

I commit myself to correcting my relationship with the body from being one of ignorance and suppression to expression and support and expansion via implementing this point of getting out of bed when I have woken up in the middle of the night due to a low = changing my relationship with the body through implementing this point of support for the body and moving my relationship to be equal with the body/mind/self wherein I support each point equally rather than only supporting myself sometimes within one aspect over another or favouring one aspect over another

When/as I wake up in the night due to a low, wake up, feel weak and there are thoughts running around in the mind of wanting to just go back to sleep and being frustrated with being low at that time and blaming diabetes for a lack of sleep and feeling disempowered because of the point of diabetes is creating this point within me - I stop myself from entertaining and moving within those thoughts/idea/beliefs, I breathe, I bring my awareness to the physical body and I implement change within myself by getting out of bed in that one breath and moving myself to go get something to eat to support the body within being low

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame diabetes for my feeling of disempowerment in relation to not being able to get a decent amount of sleep due to being waken up in a low resulting in physically feeling weak in this separating myself from the point of diabetes as if it is outside of myself and something that is able to be blamed - which it is not as I am the creator of myself and thus the creator of diabetes within myself thus I am not able to practically and REALly blame diabetes as it is not something that is separate from me to blame - it is not an isolated point that exists solely on it's own - it is in direct correlation to ME and thus all point revolving around diabetes are ME - thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame ME for having diabetes and blame myself for causing this disease to manifest within the body.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remove all blame for myself for creating diabetes within myself and stand equal and one with myself in/as the point of diabetes, supporting myself unconditionally and not allowing emotions to direct my relationship with diabetes as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship towards diabetes of blame, disappointment, frustration, disempowerment thus allowing these emotions to arise when I wake up low in the night time instead of redefining myself in relation to diabetes to be of support, care, consideration, acceptance and expansion and thus within this I commit myself to implement the new definition of myself in relation to diabetes each and every time this point occurs; practically meaning to not allow myself to react with emotions when I wake up low, but to breathe and direct myself to live/move within the new definition of myself in relation to diabetes which means to get up and out of bed to correct the low that I am going through in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist getting out of bed because of the experience of the bed being nice and warm and comfy and getting out of bed removes that experience, and thus I have stated in that moment that I enjoy experience more than real practical care and consideration for the physical body - thus I commit myself to correct my relationship with the body by getting out of bed and making the decision within myself to commit myself to care and support for the body rather than experiences.