Day 11 - Separation From Experiences SF

In a previous post I wrote about a point regarding speaking to my uncle and noting that I had ate food soon before there and was starting to feel a bit high but then I decided to make an excuse of being social in that moment to not cut myself out from the conversation and go test and correct. So here in this post I am taking that point and writing out Self forgiveness statements and self corrective statements to assist and support myself in making a change to that pattern so that I live what is best for me in these types of situations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my health in order to experience a movement of energy within me such as while watching a movie wherein I have the thought to test my blood sugar yet I ignore that thought and refocus myself on the movie or the conversation that I am having instead of separating myself from the experience of watching the movie or speaking within the conversation and testing the blood sugar

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm the body and harm my health by allowing myself to ignore testing the blood sugar levels in order to experience something for a bit longer instead of noting the thought that I should test at that moment and stopping myself in the experience of conversation or watching a movie or participating in an activity and then to go test the blood sugar

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather experience entertainment or a good feeling for a while longer than to practically give myself a `good` feeling through separating myself from an/the experiences and testing my blood sugar

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my health by staying within an experience of watching a movie or being social while it is apparent that my blood sugar and my health needs to be addressed and considered in that moment, and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that my health must be considered in every moment since being a diabetic does need constant attention and consideration of what factors are going into the bg levels and accordingly needs to be corrected/supported through my self movement to give myself good care

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto an experience within a situation like talking or like watching a movie or being social when it compromises my health and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with the body where I have been telling it that I am more interested in the experience of something that the care and support of the body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the consideration that I must test in a moment of experience in order to revel or indulge within the experience instead of cutting myself out of that experience within a moment in order to support the body and myself in/as aligning myself to effective care and consideration for the body within diabetes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not separate myself from an experience in order to check up on the blood sugar and give myself effective care and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell the body that my relationship to it comes after I've had a mental fix of an experience of something saying that I prefer the mind over the body which it will respond to

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to correct my relationship to the body by taking myself away from an experience in a moment and going to check the blood sugar to state that I will give more attention ot the body and the health of the body instead of the mind and there experiences there within

I commit myself to when/as I am in a social event or am watching a movie and I am caught up by the experience of that event/situation and there is a consideration within myself to go and check up on the blood sugar because I feel a bit high or I feel something and would like to check up on it, to in that moment of consideration say to the other person to give me a moment while I go and check the blood sugar and then go check the blood sugar or if I am watching a movie to simply go check the blood sugar, pause the movie and go check

I commit myself to changing the body/mind/self relationship through placing health and diabetes as an equal consideration towards everything else and thus removing the point of holding onto experiences and placing experiences as priority so that I am able to give equal consideration to the body and what the body is going through in relation to diabetes and then obviously place that as a point of priority in the moments when it is pertinent that I check the blood sugar and correct any point of imbalance

I commit myself to giving care towards the body and to stop sending it the message that I have more care for the mind and the experiences within/as the mind than the body by giving myself proper and effective care within the point of stopping myself within an experience or moment so that I can go check up on the body and correct any point need be

I commit myself to checking up on the body periodically throughout the day simply by bringing myself back here in awareness of myself within/as the body with diabetes and assess what the sugar is feeling like within the body and assess if the body needs any form of support in regards to hydration or sugar balance and then accordingly do so regardless of what I am doing/experiencing in that moment and regardless of the any physical jobs that I am doing in that moment because what is best for me within the job is to take care of the body so that I can do the job effectively and with minimal negative consequences due to improper management of diabetes through prioritizing another point over the body and the health of the body within diabetes

I commit myself to realigning the relationship with the body wherein I give the body the support that it needs regardless of what I am doing or the experience I am having, in this separating myself from the experiences and moving myself to support the body when needed and in this placing the physical health of the body as priority over experiences

Day 3 - Why do I Need Math?

In the math course that I am taking I had to ask myself where and how am I able to apply this math and why do I need this math if I am not going into a math program in university but a science program in university - and where in my life am I able to effectively use this information, or when am I ever going to use the information that I am learning in my life and the answer was staring me in the face which is diabetes

So within the Math course that I am taking we are learning how to factor polynomial equations, how to solve equations, how to create the equations out of word problems, how to graph the equations etc, and for the most part I cannot see a relevant point in my life where graphing would come into play and I cannot yet see the entire applicability of the understanding of the equations and the ability to factor the equations to solve for x or to simplify the equations to get to the main factors that are making up the equation, but in looking at the word factor it is easy to take this approach to diabetes and sugar levels where within a day there are many many many factors in play, such as insulin sensitivity, insulin dosage, insulin types, exercise, stress, foods, types of foods like fats or carbs or fibre that will either increase or decrease the rate of break down and absorption of sugar, emotional responses, depression, anxiety, sleep, positivity, socialization, negativity, anger…those are all the ones off the top of my head, but I'm sure there's more - anyways, all of those factors can and do influences the blood glucose level during each day. So like Stress+Fatty Food+Exercise+Long acting insulin+6 units of Short acting insulin = 9.8mmol/l - its obviously not that simple in regards to the addition or subtraction equation because many factors affect and influence the other factors and can make the other factors stronger or weaker causing sugar to rise or lower during the day and what this math is useful for is being able to factor out a factor that may be causing the blood sugar to be high during regular times of the day or causing the sugar to be low during regular times of a day - and in this find out an appropriate equation including all the factors to best be able to control blood sugars and keep them as stable as possible throughout ones life.

This is beyond my capability within math at this point but nonetheless there is no excuse for myself to understand and apply this math because I can use it to my benefit by creating a daily equation of what to do and when to do it based on factors that raise or lower the blood glucose levels - which most type 1 diabetics do when calculating how much insulin to inject during specific times of the day when the carb to insulin unit ratio varies between the times of the day. And in starting to understand this math and start to really apply myself in this math I can start to better myself by making the injections mathematically supported instead of a guessing game which I am essentially doing now - meaning guessing how much the exercise that I've done will affect me and thus guessing how much insulin to inject for the food that I ate during before or after exercising, but by recording the factors that I go through that have been proven to influence the sugar levels and factoring out the sugar levels or increasing or decreasing specific types of insulin at specific times of the day when/as those factors are present I can create an equation of how to best keep the sugar levels stable as those factors are present

I started to see this better as I was visiting the endocrinologist that I see, and as we were looking at the highs and low patterns and what was possibly influencing the readings she suggested decreasing or increasing types of insulin during those times of injection prior to injecting the insulin and changing around the equation of the insulin meaning changing the times and amounts of injections to best support myself when waking up or during work or while at school etc, and the way that I see this is a simplistic form of managing myself in diabetes because, especially during exercise, the sugar levels and insulin sensitivity dramatically changes and has been a struggle for myself to keep `level` as I exercise or work due to the dramatic change in insulin requirements during those specific times and I've also had difficulty finding the correct insulin dosage amounts prior to working or exercising because within an hour of rest the insulin sensitivity can change and if I do not work as hard as I worked near the end of the shift the amounts of insulin that I need when I get home and eat a meal change drastically. That being said giving self self awareness within the factors that are influencing the sugar levels is best for support and to give self that awareness the thoughts/emotions/feelings within the mind need to be eradicated as I've shown myself many times before that by allowing myself to entertain myself for a few moments I quickly forget to inject the basal rate insulin at the regular time and thus cause the sugar level to be affected differently at different times of the day/night

So when one has diabetes, math is an important subject to understand and apply at the level of factors and factoring out factors and finding factors and creating equations based on factors and sometimes unknowns so that one can create an equation for self based on ones owns needs and requirements of insulin and/or exercise etc, that include what to do when specific factors are involved in the resulting sugar levels. Essentially I wrote this because I've had a resistance to math and have struggled in the past course in math and so this is a point of motivation for myself to start to apply it in my daily living instead of simply seeing numbers on the board and only knowledge of the methods and ways to manipulate the equation to find the factors within the equation

Day 2 - Should we Trust Nutrition Labels?

As a type 1 diabetic I rely on the nutrition food labels to be accurate and concise with the information that they put on the nutrition labels and I, in some ways, need to trust that information is correct on all packages and foods, but I've found that this is not the case on all foods…there is only one instance that I've found so far that the information is misleading, but I am sure that there are more - specifically with the foods being labelled "organic" or "Healthy"

 

There is a bread that I use to make sandwiches for lunches and on the nutrition label it says "per 1 piece (40g) there are 20g of carbohydrates in each slice". This information I need to rely upon to calculate an accurate amount of insulin that I need to inject to counteract the sugar being processed in the body from the metabolizing of the carbohydrates. This bread is a bread that is descending in size throughout the package, so like there are pieces that are larger and there are pieces that are smaller than the previous one.

In order to be much more accurate I decided to buy a scale a few months ago and start to actually weigh the food that I was eating so that I could be as accurate as possible - using the weight rather than the serving size - because like with boxes of macaroni it says per 1/4 box = 60g of carbs, so I mean how do I accurately measure 1/4 of a box or estimate what 1/4 of a box is, so weighing the food that I was eating made the calculations much more accurate because I could divide the amount of food that I was eating by the serving size in g written on the nutrition label and multiply that by the amount of carbs in each serving size in grams. So back to the bread - I started to weigh out the bread and found that each time I weighed the bread, each reading was far over 80g (2 slices), the highest reading I found the bread to weigh was 150g which is nearly double what the nutrition labels says each slice weighs and thus nearly double the amount of carbohydrates in those 2 slices of bread.

Before then I did not have a scale and was still using this bread for sandwiches for lunch as work, and this could have severely fucked with the sugar levels and insulin injections throughout work - luckily though my work is a physical job and during that time I was finding the right amount of insulin to inject because of the effect of the amount of exercise the job has on the bodies sensitivity to insulin, so I had to deduct insulin from the injection due to the physical exercise - but there were times when I would have this bread on the weekends or on days when I was not physically active and inject 4 units of insulin for the 2 slices that I was eating, basing my injection off of the information on the nutrition label - my carb to unit ratio is roughly 10g/1u - when really I needed was 150/40=3.75 3.75*20=75 <- 7.5 units of insulin for the 75g of carbs in those slices of bread, and thus this would cause my sugar levels to go higher than I had expected due to the misinformation printed on the nutrition labels, …each unit of insulin reduces the sugar level by 2mmol/l so each 10g of carbs increases the sugar level by 2mmol/l which  escalated the sugar an extra 7mmol/l above my target when calculating an accurate amount of insulin to inject for what I was eating, and if you didn't know, 7mmol/l is a drastic difference in blood glucose.

So then the question is posed can we as a society trust the information printed on nutrition labels? From this example the answer is no, No because there, more or less, is always a motive behind the labels or within/as the labels themselves defined in the word `nutrients`. This bread that I gave as an example is defined as a `healthy` bread and from the starting point of wanting to look and be perceived as `healthy` they do not give accurate information - they only give accurate information on the smallest slice of bread in the package - Why? To make it look healthy, to lower the carb counts and the calorie count in on the information presented, but this improper use of the information on the nutrition labels can have severe affects on those whom are diabetic, or whom have other food illnesses, such as celiac disease where one much look at the ingredient list for any substance that has wheat or wheat based additives, and there has been times where the information printed on the ingredient label is deceiving as well, I know this because my mother has celiac disease and when she consumes gluten she throws up violently for a few hours - meaning she has bought products that has no ingredient listed on the list that has gluten in it, yet from eating that product she has reacted in such a manner, physically proving that there was in fact gluten on in the product

The entire point behind the misinformation and mislabeling of nutrition labels or food labels is due to money, for the example with the bread, the company wants to market their product as healthy and for those who are `health nuts` to buy this bread. The company clearly has enough wherewithal to understand that their consumers will be looking at the nutrition label for the `indicators` of the product being healthy such as a low calorie number or low carbohydrate number and thus accordingly only place the `1 slice serving` as the smallest piece of bread in the package allowing the label to be `acceptable`  with the lowest numbers possible yet, quite misleading and quite dangerous for those who rely heavily on and need to trust that the information presented is accurate.

 

What is the solution here? The solution would to `govern` the labels much more severely and put the labels through much more testing before they are allowed to be placed on the product. The solution would to eradicate the point of profit from the companies so that instances like this do not cause harm to life as it has with myself and with any other diabetics who are unaware of this fact, remove profit because it is from the point of profit and greed that this abuse towards life exists, and this solution is presented with the Equal Money System which can be read further in detail at http://equalmoney.org

I also suggest to read http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2013/03/capitalism-joke-is-on-us-food-labelling.html for more of a perspective on this issue and on the solution presented.

Day 1 - Introduction to Myself within Diabetes

Hey all, In this blog I will be writing and sharing posts pertaining specifically to the processes that I am walking being a diabetic, processes in which I have allowed myself to sabotage and mistreat myself as life being a diabetic and the correction processes to value myself as life and remove the habits/patterns that I've accepted myself to live that has caused untold harm to myself being a diabetic. I will also be investigating points related to diabetes - solutions, cures, tools, effective support methods for diabetics that I myself have lived and/or realized/applied in my day to day living.

I am a type 1 diabetic and have been for just under 9 years now. They say that 10,000 hours of application in any form can make one a master of the form - that adds up to about 7 years of 40 hours of a week in application, and I can say that I am far from being a master of myself in diabetes. The blood glucose readings have a large variety of factors are of influence and effect and making those calculations each day and finding/understanding those factors can be quite difficult to calculate each time one injects insulin and thus mastery of diabetes means mastery of self, mastery of stress levels, mastery of exercise, mastery of timing, mastery of sleep patterns, mastery of unit to carb ratios, mastery of depression, mastery of emotions, mastery of feelings, mastery of desire for foods, mastery of biological functions, mastery of living as a pancreas, mastery of self control, haha, quite a lot to master with no? So I embark on this journey to life to give myself the BEST support for myself as life as a diabetic and share this here so that other diabetic can hear and share support for each other.

For those who are not diabetic, the information shared here can also be quite assisting and supportive in realizing how much the body in fact does for us to keep us alive, because through being a diabetic I've had to stand in for the body and act as the pancreas and make sure that who I am as the pancreas is in absolute support of the body such as the pancreas is/was when it is/was active and functioning properly...this is where the journey to life is - becoming, in absolution, support for the life of the body equal and one to the body itself, life itself, back to the point - through standing as the pancreas I have to live what the pancreas was when it was functioning properly so within the insights from living as such those who are not diabetic can see those insights for themselves as well  - so I invite all who read this to share this with others

The next few posts will be from my other blog (http://paulsjourneytolife.blogspot.com) where I've written a few posts regarding diabetes, but from here on I will be posting all diabetic related points here in this blog to keep them grouped while I walk other aspects of myself in which I do not value myself as life and walk the correction processes here within.