Day 5 - Diabetes and Bi-Polarity

It has come to my attention that within diabetes polarities exist. Look at the relationship between ourselves and diabetes, (those of us who are diabetic), and how we must maintain the highs and lows to maintain homeostasis of the blood sugar, that in itself is based on polarities of our consumption of foods. Polarities also exist within the mind in regards to depression, excitement, sadness, happiness, love, hate etc. It is clear that through my participation within these systems (love, hate) that they too affect the polarity of self and will consequently affect the polarity of the blood sugar. Take for instance stress. Most diabetics know and are aware that stress will affect the blood sugar, but stress is caused within the mind. Through taking a grade 12 university biology course, stress affects the livers production of glucagon which breaks down into glucose because of the adrenal glands production of glucocorticoids, and the adrenal glands are active during stress because of the fight or flight response. Now since stress exists only within the mind and has affects on the physical systems of the body it can then be said that depression can, as well, affect the systems of the body, same with love, same with hate, same with anger, same with depression, it is only understanding how, where, and the triggers of said emotions.

What we as diabetics need to see, be aware of, and live responsibility within/as is maintaining homeostasis within the body and within the mind. Homeostasis is the best operating range or state to exist within. If we allow ourselves to become too happy then we are most likely subject to binges, subject to excitatory reactions within the mind and from what I've seen within myself, that is when I can think about consuming large amounts of sugar and essentially say "fuck it, why not, I'm happy" and then I binge out on sugar and more often than not, allow myself to go hyperglycemic. This also relates to sadness wherein I've consumed sugar when I am sad, consumed high caloric foods or high sugar foods to make myself `feel good` - looking at that now it is a fascinating mechanism because the only thing that `feels good` in that moment is taste. Consuming sugar doesn’t allow myself to face what is making myself sad, nor does it make myself not feel sad, it is only used as a mechanism to not face the sadness that I was/am going through and to suppress the sadness. A fascinating thing with sugar is its relationship to happiness and how the human, through parental upbringing, is exposed and systematically influenced to create this relationship between self and sugar. Within this relationship we can see the polarity existent between the relationship of sugar and self and the affects of the polarities of the mind on the polarities of the body regarding homeostasis within blood glucose.

As a child I had this relationship to sugar, where I would want sugar, demand sugar, throw tantrums if I did not get sugar, in order to manifest an experience of being `happy`, most likely because of the sugar high, but with that being said, if I was sad or upset sugar was commonly used as a method to `uplift` my mood in which the relationship between sugar and myself was created - again basing it around the polarities and consistently wanting a high

Diabetics then have a responsibility to maintain our emotions and feelings and to not allow them to be the directive principle of ourselves, although we have already allowed that to happen due to the manifestation of diabetes and the want for highs (happiness and sugar), and our allowance of ourselves to go out and buy and consume something sugary or look for happiness in other places, there is also degeneration of genetics, but sugar and the want for happiness is the catalyst for the disease. In this, and as I am writing this, I see how I am heavily influenced by positivity and attempt to avoid negativity to an nth extent wherein I will consume sugar and use substances that will chemically alter my brain to not have to feel anything other than `good`, but in the laws of polarities, the good must always come with the bad, so therefore within wanting good I am also wanting bad so that I can maintain the experience of going/being high vs a low.

The point of responsibility here sits within our life and how to direct our life and how to give effective care of the body in maintaining homeostasis and if our emotions and feelings are frequently allowing ourselves to compromise our care for ourselves then the emotions must be understood and we must forgive ourselves for becoming subjects to our emotions/wants/feelings and decide to direct ourselves within what is best for our bodies regardless of emotions and feelings and desires. This certainly can be a difficult thing to work within and live responsibility for, but what is nice is that it is left to our choice of what we will accept and allow within ourselves or not, therefore we are the directive principle on how we choose to live our life, and if it is not what is best for all then we only have ourselves to face in the wake of consequence, and only have ourselves to blame in the wake of consequence, therefore need to realize that we are responsible.

The polarities of the mind, for myself, need to be understood and not allowed to influence the body and our ability to take care of the body. I am aware that within consuming sugar, within consuming coffee, consuming cigarettes that I've created a chemical need within the brain and I must, if I am to settle the polarities of myself and the mind, walk through lows within putting an end to the substances that I've abused, and decide to take care of the chemistry of the body and stop fluctuation from highs and lows as best as possible at the moment so that I can gather a strength to direct the mind when/as desires come up so that I am not influenced or directed by them and am able to maintain care for the body.

In the next post I will write out self forgiveness on the relationship to positivity and diabetes.

Sites to check out:

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

http://eqafe.com

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com

Day 4 - Living with Diabetes Part 1

In this series of blogs that are to come I will be writing about a point relevant to diabetes that I go through in my day to day living and show how different a lifestyle it can really be, and to show, to the best of my knowledge through living with diabetes, biological functions, that I would be more than pleased to be corrected on, so do not fear leaving a `snarky` comment correcting me, I like to learn more and cross reference material with others; I may expand on such things as insulin, like how it is made, the resources needed to make it, the affects on the environment, monetary factors, and this will be a learning process for myself because much of what I just suggested I may write about I will need to do research as well.

Since this is the intro blog

Let me take you through my day.

Mornings: Wake up at 18:00-19:00, due to working nights in which I have to severely consider how much activity I am doing due to the affects of physical exercise and insulin sensitivity within my body, have to consider how much food I eat…there are many things that I could extrapolate upon in regards to work and diabetes - lets just title that work and leave that there for now.

I proceed to check my blood sugar, usually - have not been the spitting image of `perfect` in regards to diabetes - which again is something to take apart and dissect = the image of perfection within diabetes = perfection of care of health possibly - I'm sorry if I ramble, but as I write this I am noting this for myself later on so that I can refer back to it for topics to write about. And in the mornings I have been frequently high, so as I wake up, I've kinda just accepted this as `the way it is`, and reach for two needles that I have to inject 25 decilitres of one insulin, and depending on how high, or if I'm high, x amount of decilitres of another insulin into either my buttocks, the back of my arms, abdomen, or thighs. I favour the buttocks, thighs, and back of the arms for the insulin I inject 25 decilitres of ( I will go into further detail in time on the different types of insulin) and the abdomen for the insulin that I use depending on how much I eat and what the `level` of (my) sugar is.

I make breakfast, and consider what I will be doing in the following hours based on activity level of what I can and should not eat, and usually say "fuck it, I will eat what I would like to eat and inject insulin according to what I would like to eat", and sometimes all I like to eat in the morning is an apple and a banana. I will then inject insulin based on how much carbohydrates I will eat and what I will be doing in the next few hours and based off of `how I feel` meaning if I feel `heavy` then that usually means that the insulin sensitivity rate is low and I will need more insulin than if I were to not feel `heavy`. I then carry on with whatever task I have for the time being until I get ready for work

Before work I check the sugar again at about 21:30 - it is about 2 hours after my previous test - so that means that the insulin that I injected to correct the amount of food I ate will be at it's `peak activity` which I will explain another time, and since it is at it's peak activity the rate of transfer of sugar into the cells is highest here throughout the 4 hour lasting time of the injection and means that I need to consider if I need to eat before work in order to maintain a level sugar throughout the first period of work or if I need to inject more insulin to get myself to a stable point during work. If all is well then I make a lunch, which I stick to a routine within, meaning I usually eat the same thing each lunch so that I can work with minimal factors influencing the sugar level and stick to a routine that I have become adapted to at the moment.

Work: (23:00-7:00) Since it has become warmer recently I now bike to work that is about 15 minutes of activity which I have to consider how hard I am biking because as I get to work the insulin that I injected when I woke up will change sensitivity and it will affect the sugar level during the first period of work - so I suppose I can mention here that recently I have been going low just before work starts and usually eat a banana to correct it….since I started working nights, and even previously within the job that I do, days that I am not low during work is a rarity and I always carry 3 bananas with myself along with `emergency sugar` which is a candy that I will bring along because of the pattern shown throughout the time that I have been working. Since the job that I do is physically demanding I have to keep in mind when I've injected insulin and how much I've injected, like .5 of a unit will make a drastic change in the sugar level throughout the next period of work, and since it is physically demanding I need to cut back the amount of insulin that I would normally inject, which took a bit of time to figure out how much I needed to inject for the food that I ate, which is why I stick to the food routine. The sugar levels during work are usually in the `acceptable range` (4mmol-8mmol) and I suppose that is due to the physical activity and the balancing of sugar correction throughout the periods of work. A point to mention here, that I will write about later, is the affect of adrenaline and noticing the symptoms of being low.

Getting home/school: (7:00-12:00) When I get home the sugar level is normally good because of the work that I just did and the affects of activity, although there have been times where I have been high returning from work which I do not exactly know the reason for, but have based it on the fact that I slow down my activity during work near the end of the night. I test my blood sugar and only eat something small like an apple because when I did eat cereal or something high in carbohydrates the time during school I would be running high for a while and correcting the sugar during school has been a pain in the ass for sometime because if I am high and I need to correct the sugar, the affect of dropping in sugar level is similar to the experience of being low and I find it incredibly hard to concentrate when this is happening, so I decided to eat something small which I normally don't need insulin for, because of the activity of work, which has been supportive recently since I do not experience too many lows during school any longer and thus can concentrate a lot better, not to mention give myself the ability to process the information. During school I inject 23 decilitres of insulin again. I used to be very self conscious about injecting insulin in front of people to the point where I would not inject insulin when eating if I was in public which was quite dangerous now looking at it.

When I get home from school, I test again, eat, inject insulin and sit down for about 2 hours studying if I need to or fall asleep. Eating so early to bed has been a problem and is most likely the cause to the morning highs, although I have noticed some other factors that can really influence the sugar level in the morning such as stress or simply resistance to working on something.

In the next posts I will certainly go into much more detail and take apart many aspects of a diabetic life and expand on the relationship lines between each aspect, but for now I hope that this overview gives you an insight into what a diabetic lives with and has to consider on a daily basis, and possibly information that you can apply to your own life.

Day 3 - Why do I Need Math?

In the math course that I am taking I had to ask myself where and how am I able to apply this math and why do I need this math if I am not going into a math program in university but a science program in university - and where in my life am I able to effectively use this information, or when am I ever going to use the information that I am learning in my life and the answer was staring me in the face which is diabetes

So within the Math course that I am taking we are learning how to factor polynomial equations, how to solve equations, how to create the equations out of word problems, how to graph the equations etc, and for the most part I cannot see a relevant point in my life where graphing would come into play and I cannot yet see the entire applicability of the understanding of the equations and the ability to factor the equations to solve for x or to simplify the equations to get to the main factors that are making up the equation, but in looking at the word factor it is easy to take this approach to diabetes and sugar levels where within a day there are many many many factors in play, such as insulin sensitivity, insulin dosage, insulin types, exercise, stress, foods, types of foods like fats or carbs or fibre that will either increase or decrease the rate of break down and absorption of sugar, emotional responses, depression, anxiety, sleep, positivity, socialization, negativity, anger…those are all the ones off the top of my head, but I'm sure there's more - anyways, all of those factors can and do influences the blood glucose level during each day. So like Stress+Fatty Food+Exercise+Long acting insulin+6 units of Short acting insulin = 9.8mmol/l - its obviously not that simple in regards to the addition or subtraction equation because many factors affect and influence the other factors and can make the other factors stronger or weaker causing sugar to rise or lower during the day and what this math is useful for is being able to factor out a factor that may be causing the blood sugar to be high during regular times of the day or causing the sugar to be low during regular times of a day - and in this find out an appropriate equation including all the factors to best be able to control blood sugars and keep them as stable as possible throughout ones life.

This is beyond my capability within math at this point but nonetheless there is no excuse for myself to understand and apply this math because I can use it to my benefit by creating a daily equation of what to do and when to do it based on factors that raise or lower the blood glucose levels - which most type 1 diabetics do when calculating how much insulin to inject during specific times of the day when the carb to insulin unit ratio varies between the times of the day. And in starting to understand this math and start to really apply myself in this math I can start to better myself by making the injections mathematically supported instead of a guessing game which I am essentially doing now - meaning guessing how much the exercise that I've done will affect me and thus guessing how much insulin to inject for the food that I ate during before or after exercising, but by recording the factors that I go through that have been proven to influence the sugar levels and factoring out the sugar levels or increasing or decreasing specific types of insulin at specific times of the day when/as those factors are present I can create an equation of how to best keep the sugar levels stable as those factors are present

I started to see this better as I was visiting the endocrinologist that I see, and as we were looking at the highs and low patterns and what was possibly influencing the readings she suggested decreasing or increasing types of insulin during those times of injection prior to injecting the insulin and changing around the equation of the insulin meaning changing the times and amounts of injections to best support myself when waking up or during work or while at school etc, and the way that I see this is a simplistic form of managing myself in diabetes because, especially during exercise, the sugar levels and insulin sensitivity dramatically changes and has been a struggle for myself to keep `level` as I exercise or work due to the dramatic change in insulin requirements during those specific times and I've also had difficulty finding the correct insulin dosage amounts prior to working or exercising because within an hour of rest the insulin sensitivity can change and if I do not work as hard as I worked near the end of the shift the amounts of insulin that I need when I get home and eat a meal change drastically. That being said giving self self awareness within the factors that are influencing the sugar levels is best for support and to give self that awareness the thoughts/emotions/feelings within the mind need to be eradicated as I've shown myself many times before that by allowing myself to entertain myself for a few moments I quickly forget to inject the basal rate insulin at the regular time and thus cause the sugar level to be affected differently at different times of the day/night

So when one has diabetes, math is an important subject to understand and apply at the level of factors and factoring out factors and finding factors and creating equations based on factors and sometimes unknowns so that one can create an equation for self based on ones owns needs and requirements of insulin and/or exercise etc, that include what to do when specific factors are involved in the resulting sugar levels. Essentially I wrote this because I've had a resistance to math and have struggled in the past course in math and so this is a point of motivation for myself to start to apply it in my daily living instead of simply seeing numbers on the board and only knowledge of the methods and ways to manipulate the equation to find the factors within the equation

Day 2 - Should we Trust Nutrition Labels?

As a type 1 diabetic I rely on the nutrition food labels to be accurate and concise with the information that they put on the nutrition labels and I, in some ways, need to trust that information is correct on all packages and foods, but I've found that this is not the case on all foods…there is only one instance that I've found so far that the information is misleading, but I am sure that there are more - specifically with the foods being labelled "organic" or "Healthy"

 

There is a bread that I use to make sandwiches for lunches and on the nutrition label it says "per 1 piece (40g) there are 20g of carbohydrates in each slice". This information I need to rely upon to calculate an accurate amount of insulin that I need to inject to counteract the sugar being processed in the body from the metabolizing of the carbohydrates. This bread is a bread that is descending in size throughout the package, so like there are pieces that are larger and there are pieces that are smaller than the previous one.

In order to be much more accurate I decided to buy a scale a few months ago and start to actually weigh the food that I was eating so that I could be as accurate as possible - using the weight rather than the serving size - because like with boxes of macaroni it says per 1/4 box = 60g of carbs, so I mean how do I accurately measure 1/4 of a box or estimate what 1/4 of a box is, so weighing the food that I was eating made the calculations much more accurate because I could divide the amount of food that I was eating by the serving size in g written on the nutrition label and multiply that by the amount of carbs in each serving size in grams. So back to the bread - I started to weigh out the bread and found that each time I weighed the bread, each reading was far over 80g (2 slices), the highest reading I found the bread to weigh was 150g which is nearly double what the nutrition labels says each slice weighs and thus nearly double the amount of carbohydrates in those 2 slices of bread.

Before then I did not have a scale and was still using this bread for sandwiches for lunch as work, and this could have severely fucked with the sugar levels and insulin injections throughout work - luckily though my work is a physical job and during that time I was finding the right amount of insulin to inject because of the effect of the amount of exercise the job has on the bodies sensitivity to insulin, so I had to deduct insulin from the injection due to the physical exercise - but there were times when I would have this bread on the weekends or on days when I was not physically active and inject 4 units of insulin for the 2 slices that I was eating, basing my injection off of the information on the nutrition label - my carb to unit ratio is roughly 10g/1u - when really I needed was 150/40=3.75 3.75*20=75 <- 7.5 units of insulin for the 75g of carbs in those slices of bread, and thus this would cause my sugar levels to go higher than I had expected due to the misinformation printed on the nutrition labels, …each unit of insulin reduces the sugar level by 2mmol/l so each 10g of carbs increases the sugar level by 2mmol/l which  escalated the sugar an extra 7mmol/l above my target when calculating an accurate amount of insulin to inject for what I was eating, and if you didn't know, 7mmol/l is a drastic difference in blood glucose.

So then the question is posed can we as a society trust the information printed on nutrition labels? From this example the answer is no, No because there, more or less, is always a motive behind the labels or within/as the labels themselves defined in the word `nutrients`. This bread that I gave as an example is defined as a `healthy` bread and from the starting point of wanting to look and be perceived as `healthy` they do not give accurate information - they only give accurate information on the smallest slice of bread in the package - Why? To make it look healthy, to lower the carb counts and the calorie count in on the information presented, but this improper use of the information on the nutrition labels can have severe affects on those whom are diabetic, or whom have other food illnesses, such as celiac disease where one much look at the ingredient list for any substance that has wheat or wheat based additives, and there has been times where the information printed on the ingredient label is deceiving as well, I know this because my mother has celiac disease and when she consumes gluten she throws up violently for a few hours - meaning she has bought products that has no ingredient listed on the list that has gluten in it, yet from eating that product she has reacted in such a manner, physically proving that there was in fact gluten on in the product

The entire point behind the misinformation and mislabeling of nutrition labels or food labels is due to money, for the example with the bread, the company wants to market their product as healthy and for those who are `health nuts` to buy this bread. The company clearly has enough wherewithal to understand that their consumers will be looking at the nutrition label for the `indicators` of the product being healthy such as a low calorie number or low carbohydrate number and thus accordingly only place the `1 slice serving` as the smallest piece of bread in the package allowing the label to be `acceptable`  with the lowest numbers possible yet, quite misleading and quite dangerous for those who rely heavily on and need to trust that the information presented is accurate.

 

What is the solution here? The solution would to `govern` the labels much more severely and put the labels through much more testing before they are allowed to be placed on the product. The solution would to eradicate the point of profit from the companies so that instances like this do not cause harm to life as it has with myself and with any other diabetics who are unaware of this fact, remove profit because it is from the point of profit and greed that this abuse towards life exists, and this solution is presented with the Equal Money System which can be read further in detail at http://equalmoney.org

I also suggest to read http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/2013/03/capitalism-joke-is-on-us-food-labelling.html for more of a perspective on this issue and on the solution presented.

Post #3 - Day 62 Autoimmunity and Diabetes

Post From - (http://paulsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-62-autoimmunity-and-diabetes.html)

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the information that diabetes is caused by an autoimmune disease without questioning what autoimmunity is and how autoimmunity works, and how the immune system has been designed to act on auto pilot to attack a part of itself that is beneficial to itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be told that diabetes is caused by an auto immune system disorder and leave it at that, not questioning what in fact needs to take place within the body for the immune system to become on auto pilot, and why is it automatically designed to attack the pancreas

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the body works as a system of input and output like all life here on this planet and has specific system information for each part of the body and that for an auto immune system to take place I as creator must have placed information into/as the body through my actions and thoughts in order for the immune system to automatically start to attack the pancreas

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because it has been said that the cause of diabetes is this auto immune disorder that there will be no cure as it is supposedly `just something that happens`, when through my diagnoses I was diagnosed when I was 14 so it had to take 14 years for the `automatic` part of the immune system to take place meaning that it wasn't immediately automatic or I would have been diagnosed much sooner then 14 and that it means that I had done something to trigger the auto immunity within body that sent system coding for the immune system to attack the pancreas

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the people in high places in this world, high places regarding money, want to keep their money and the constant input of money and a cure would mean that they will no longer have money coming in from diabetics to support their lives, jobs, and companies, so a cure would not be in the best interest of all those employed within the diabetic industry because of the way we have accepted the monetary system to run, and only through implementing and equal money system will we ever see a cure developed for anything that currently exists that makes money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that only through our being within our minds does the body in fact run on auto-pilot because if we had to in fact control everything in the body we would immediately die from not being here with the body, in this that the auto-pilot is designed within the body for the best functions of the body and only through our input as foods and thoughts and our treatment of the body do we alter the functions of the body to not be what is in fact best for the body, in this causing the body to harm itself due to the programmed functions, meaning that illness and dis-ease is caused by what we have done within the body and not necessarily because of the body itself. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the awareness to see in self-honesty how I as the body caused what the body has become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see the correlation within my thoughts of basically flagellation and the auto immune system disorder that attack the body, wherein my thoughts often lead to self-judgment and harm and a beating up on myself for being, and in this not realizing that this would have a massive impact on the body overtime and that over time it would then train the body to harm itself for being, as shown through autoimmune destruction of the pancreas, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider all factors within this reality that would be a possibility for dis-ease to exist, and to only chalk up the diagnoses to one simple cause as an auto immune disorder

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diagnose dis-ease when I in fact have no idea how reality in fact functions, on how the interplay between all aspects of reality affect reality to exist the way it does, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diagnose a dis-ease from the information and knowledge that I have been taught and searched for not realizing that information and knowledge is in fact useless and only a blind onto how reality in fact functions as the cooperation between all beings to exist, in this not understanding the cooperation between all beings in existence, nor the intricate communication between each down to the smallest point in the physical existence equal and one with the largest point of existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a human believe that I am above all other beings because I have knowledge and information about how reality works, but not a equal and one understanding as myself of how reality in fact works, and that the understanding of reality is in separation within the mind as information and knowledge when that is in fact not understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the industry that is in control of the medication of this reality is also in control of the food in this reality and that diabetes is a disease that needs to be monitored through food and medication and that there can be manipulated self-interest here where the food that we input will eventually require medication to stabilize the body because this money system works within the possibilities of this interaction and the human greed is enough to manipulate the system to get it to this point where food will cause requirements for medication as shown through type 2 diabetes where diet is easily the cure for type 2 diabetes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system to exist where there is a mediator between what is accepted and food and what is accepted as medication that is under the same control of the same agency meaning that it is in it's best interest the manipulate the food that is consumed to make money off of consumers later on through causing dis-ease where on would then need to buy medication to continue to live causing the agency that monitors the food and drugs permitted in this system to make a lot of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for the interactions that I have permitted within the body through my abdication of being here with the body, and in this not taking responsibility, separate myself from the body from standing equal and one with the body allowing myself to not see what I have been doing to the body as the creator of the body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use myself as a point to investigate in looking at all the points within myself prior to being diagnoses with diabetes, and see what in fact took place before I was diagnosed that could lead to the point of the immune system attacking the insulin producing cells in the body, of whether it was diet, whether it was thought manifestation, whether it was a combination of variables within reality, and in this find the source to the cause of the system dis-ease that leads to diabetes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to opportunity to clearly investigate why and how the immune system decides to attack the pancreas to stop it producing insulin which is a beneficial hormone for the body  to function `normally` and in this to not investigate all environmental factors as to what happened in each case of a diabetic that lead to the immune system to be programmed into attacking the pancreas to stop producing insulin

I commit myself to investigate the points within myself prior to being diagnoses with diabetes as to what environmental factors and self-behaviours that lead to the manifestation of the dis-ease of diabetes

I commit myself to standing for all diabetics and people with dis-ease in their life through support of the equal money system wherein profit is not the motive of life, but life being the motive of life wherein cures are then able to exist because there will not be profit motive behind the continuation of dis-ease and illness

I commit myself to walking myself backwards in time and establishing an effective communication with the body in how I in fact created the dis-ease that is diabetes within myself and how to properly stand in the place of the pancreas to be the best support that I can be for the body

I commit myself to not simply accept that the cause for diabetes is an auto-immune disorder that is just because it is, and to commit myself to investigate exactly what happened in my life that lead to the immune system automatically deciding for itself to attack the pancreas, and what information I input into the body that would lead it to end up attacking the pancreas."

Post #2 - Day 56 - Diabetes pt 2 The Burden

Post from (http://paulsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-56-diabetes-pt-2-burden.html)

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed diabetes to become a burden on my life, wherein I have created a relationship to testing blood and injecting insulin as a task that I must do every day multiple times a day, as task that is separate from me, a task that I do not want to commit myself to, allowing myself to skip doing this task every once and a while because I would rather act in self-interest that do the testing and maintain the sugar levels that I have to maintain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see diabetes as a burden which I have to maintain and take care of myself within, in this placing the burden as something that I have to do, instead of standing equal and one to the point and living the will to care for myself as a diabetic the best way possible in being diligent at checking the blood sugar, and doing the injections daily and on time within the routine that works best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing that I am a diabetic and that my actions now are going to have consequences later on in my life which will or will not make the point of diabetes `worse` from the perspective of having to deal with other issues related to the lack of care for myself as a diabetic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within self-interest still and live a life that is comfortable for only me wherein I live within the fort of my self-interest and create myself as a perceived island, because as a diabetic I will die, from what evidence has been shown, earlier than most in life, and in this not give a fuck about myself as life because I am going to die `anyways` so why not get the most out of energy while I exist here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within self-interest, wherein I only consider my desires of what I want in this life, ignoring all of life and ignoring what is in fact happening on this planet to/as life, because I see diabetes as a burden, so I made the conclusion that if I must live with a burden I will attempt to find the desire of desires, not realizing that I in the mind am creating the idea of the burden, and that the idea of the burden is simply not real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat the life that has been given to me like shit shown through the manifestation of/as diabetes wherein I continue to allow myself to live within self-interest even though I have proven to myself that living within self-interest while having diabetes is extremely detrimental to the health of the body because the self-interest that I have defined and lived within is eat what you want, do what you want and in this what I wanted has never been what has been best for the body thus I have treated the life that has been given to me with total disregard, and total abuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as manifested consequence in this lifetime showing humanity that this is what happens when as we live in self-interest and only consider ourselves and not the equality of life which supports all life, wherein all life here in the physical lives in equality where each part is supporting the whole, wherein diabetes has manifested because I have only considered my desires throughout my life and not the equality that the body has lived within and existed as within/as the physical in which has supported itself in equality in order for life to be maintained, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to this existence and accept this pre-programming where equality of life is not considered wherein each part of existence does its part to support existence, and in this acceptance become a virus to this existence as I have accepted and allowed myself to live in inequality in relation to this world wherein I am not considering the whole and what I as human am a part of the whole and that I have responsibility within/as the whole to do what is best in equality and oneness for/as the whole

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate life because life has supposedly fucked me over with manifesting diabetes, but this hate only comes from the desire to support self-interest in inequality, because the hate stems from having to face the fact that I must let go of self-interest and do what is best for support of the body because I have manifested damage to an organ within the body and I must stand in place for that organ in order to maintain the bodies functionality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself as life through ignoring the fact that I have diabetes, ignoring through not checking the blood sugar when I am out nor doing proper insulin when I am out, proper meaning doing insulin for what I eat when I am out and checking the carbohydrates that I am eating when I am out and doing the correct amount of insulin, but in this ignore the fact that I am a diabetic when I feel high, as my hydration depletes and I have to piss a lot, using excuses that I will be fine and that I can manage in this physical discomfort for a while and then check and manage the blood sugar later wherein I am allowing myself to harm myself as life more than what is needed, needed meaning the sugar must go up in the first place and the more meaning not correcting when I first notice that I am dehydrated and pissing a lot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use diabetes as an excuse to not move my life in the direction that I would like to move it in, but in holding as a burden use it as an excuse to keep the life that is here  and accept the life that is here through and as being continuously `put down` wherein I accept the shit that is here because it seems as if I cannot move out of it because it feels like and seems like a burden that lasts forever, not realizing that it is me in and as the relationship that I have developed towards diabetes, being a diabetic that has caused me to look at life this way, in this it is me in relation to life that has allowed me to live this way, thus the creator of all of this burden and `put down` is only but me, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship with myself where I am continuously putting myself down and holding myself there until I submit to this world/life/existence instead of allowing myself to develop a relationship with myself in where I support myself as life through and as the actions in which support me as life as a diabetic, in this learning how to develop a relationship with myself as life of how to support what is best for life and commit myself to supporting what is best for life as myself wherein I commit myself to eating in the proper way in which supports the body and blood sugar levels, and in which supports the best insulin sensitivity as well as lifestyle that is best for me as a diabetic, changing the lifestyle from desire and self-interest into what is best for life.

I commit myself to stop seeing diabetes as a burden which I have to cope with but instead see it as an opportunity to understand and live what is best for life in every moment in relation to health, eating and lifestyle,

I commit myself to develop an effective relationship with myself wherein I support myself as life using the tool of/as diabetes to create that relationship wherein I create that relationship to do what is best for me no matter what happens in regard to sugar levels, where I am at in this world, or who I am with, wherein I stay constant and consistent in taking care of myself as life within being a diabetic

I commit myself to show what happens in manifested consequence when one decides to live a life of self-interest and desire, and how it can be avoided by realizing and re-aligning self to the equality of life wherein every being does its part to care for existence to care for life.

I commit myself to stopping the self-interest in that which I have been living and commit myself to taking care of myself as life within/as being life and being a diabetic using myself to investigate what in fact supports the body the best in relation to lifestyle, food intake, exercise, removing all information and knowledge of what food is good and what food is bad, and simply seeing what supports the body the best according to lifestyle and the plethora of variables that life consists of."

Post #1 Day 55 - Diabetes

For Context of the title the "Post #" will be the order that I am posting from the other blog - and the "Day #" is the title from the other blog - I will start from Day 2 Once I start to post `new` content that I've written

Post from http://paulsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-55-diabetes.html

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there will be a cure for diabetes in the coming years because when I was diagnosed I was told that in my lifetime there will be a cure, in this hoping for a cure and not effectively investigating the cause of diabetes through going through my life and seeing what exactly triggered it and how I created it as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put faith in a cure when diabetes is a $90 billion a year industry, and within the capitalistic system, where profit is the goal of the game of money, the companies who manufactures diabetes medicines, machines and tools are not willing to let go of that money in order to support a cure - so goes with all disease and illness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system wherein as a child we are bombarded with images on commercials showing happy, outgoing, cartoon characters that are the logos and mascots for high sugar cereals, wherein we as children connect these images to what we want because of the imagery within the commercials, only with consideration for profit and not the quality of life that the child lives as most children then end up becoming addicted to sugar without knowing it, and live their lives consuming foods that they were programmed to consume as a child

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system wherein the only consideration of value in this life is profit, allowing companies to justify feeding people sugary food that has no real support for the body, only support for profit, so that the companies can make profit and support the capitalistic system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system wherein there are governmental institutions that regulate food, that are supposed to regulate food, but only have the real consideration for/as money, because if they actually had consideration for/as life within the food that we consume many of the products on the shelves would not exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a corrupt system where the only value is money allowing ourselves to feed ourselves and to be fed mass amounts of sugar to keep us happy wherein we are not ever told to consider what we put into our body and the biochemistry that happens within the body when we consume what we consume with consideration of what is best for life as the body and physical well being of ourselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support diabetes research funding that says that they are researching for a cure for both types of diabetes when really they are only creating new ways of monitoring diabetes for further profit within the capitalistic system and burying opportunities to find cures

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to realize that there already have been cures that have been reported in underground news but have been suppressed by the medicine giants that rake in billions a year from diabetics showing that there will only ever be real medicine as cures when life is valued within a new economic system that stops they interplay of money and value and profit, and gives money equally to everyone, where all are haves, and life is valued equally throughout the planet in equality and oneness, where life becomes equally dignified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put trust and faith in doctors and medicine to support me as life when in this game of money the only thing that they really care about is if I have money to support myself as life and they do not in fact care about myself as life at all or the doctors who really understand medicine would have supported a cure and not further monitoring devices and tools in which diabetics are dependent on for the rest of their lives. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that diabetes was caused due to an `auto-immune` disease, wherein the cause is easily defined without actual investigation as to exactly why and how I ended up creating diabetes within myself, or why and how the immune system started to attack the pancreas, in what and how I lived before having diabetes that lead to me being diagnosed with diabetes = what triggered diabetes within the body, and how to solve that problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am my body in fact and only through the mind have I separated myself from the body as life and through allowing myself to be programmed into/as this world in accepting and allowing the system within and without did I accept myself as separation of/as the body, not realizing that I am able to communicate with the body in equality and oneness when/as standing equal and one to the body in all ways where I communicate using breath and being here as me as life in self-awareness as the body as the breath as all the inner workings of the body in equality and oneness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going through life with diabetes because of the constant necessity in having to manage diabetes throughout my entire life, and have to deal with the consequences if I do not manage it correctly as well wherein I am able to lose limbs, go blind, have the kidney's fail due to improper management of diabetes and in this fear of going through life with diabetes, fear seeing the evidence that I am not taking good care of myself as a diabetic through high blood sugar readings and in this fear not test but only go from how I physically feel allowing myself to compromise myself further and in this want to end my existence here because of the suffering I believe I will go through, instead of allowing myself to become a test subject of how and why diabetes manifests within the body so that I am able to support a cure as that is what I would like for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that there is something completely fucking wrong with diabetes when I can test on two different meters and get two different blood test results using the same drop of blood wherein one will say that I am low when I am not and one will say that I am fine, causing one to believe if one were using the mis-calibrated machine since the start of diabetes that one is low when in fact one is not and that the blood sugar is fine when it is not, which end up causing more issues within the body of diabetics which further cost money to correct which in turn fuels the capitalistic system more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust this world will take care of me because I am a diabetic and I need the insulin to live, not realizing that this world does not In fact give a fuck about life, it only cares if I have the money in which to further support this system, and that it will only care about me if I generate money, in this not realizing that some people have to pay outrageous amounts of money to get the supplies that they need because they do not have coverage for the supplied that they need to LIVE and in this lack of having coverage for the supplies, compromise themselves through using needles over and over again until they can no longer be used, which causes further problems, not test as often as they should to effectively monitor their blood sugar which causes more problem that inevitably lead to paying more money to correct or develop the ability to live with the problems

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a system wherein if one does not have money to support oneself as life then one is left to die and starve in this world, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to state `this is North America, we don't allow this to happen to people` when we are in fact absolutely responsible for the starvation across the world, and absolutely responsible for the poverty even within our own borders, and that we only give a fuck about a person if they first have money, as shown through the stigma of/as being a bum

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a system where life is not supported in any way what so every shown through the food that is accepted and allowed to be consumed by the human wherein it creates detrimental effects to the physical body and wherein the cause of such diseases relating from such diets is only said to have been caused by auto-immune deficiencies and that the bodies are to blame, not taking into consideration the diets that have been supported where everything of the physical is not taken into consideration of what is best for the physical, the only thing that is taken into consideration is money and sex where diets are supported for money and people go on diets to become slim and get sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that something is fucked up in this world where we allow children to eat food that we as adults would never allow ourselves to eat because of the high sugar content, and yet we allow ourselves to go out to a store and buy these products for kids because they are `for` kids, not realizing that the child has a body that is equal and one to as our bodies as physical life and it works in the same properties wherein it becomes programmed into/as a pattern through/as the input that is placed within it, allowing myself to be irresponsible at effectively raising a child in this world and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the child is equal and one to me and must be supported in the same way with food as I support my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as I consume fructose the liver breaks it down into a poison basically and that the only thing that is able to be consumed that has fructose in it are fruits because they have the fibre necessary to support the break down of fructose, making fruit drinks, that which have been programmed and supported as good, the worst thing that can be consumed as it is basically injecting poison into the body, because the fruit drinks do not have the fibre within them, only the sugar and juice of the fruit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  allow a system where disease and illness are not supported with cures and where the diseases and illnesses are purposely supported within the system in order to generate more money, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that we are humans are absolutely evil because money is only the tools in which we use to express ourselves and we are evil in using money, in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the human must undergo extensive change in order to ever be life itself instead of the destruction that it has become now.

I commit myself to show this world as a diabetic how fucked up the system has become wherein diabetes is actually supported in this world through diet structures and the foods that we consume as children and eventually become addicted to

I commit myself to live as an example of what can become of ourselves if we allow ourselves to eat what we want when we want, wherein I now fight with heaven every day where heaven tries to take me from this existence and only through the injections and management of the body do I delay the movement into/as heaven

I commit myself to standing in this world system as support for life in supporting myself as life as being a diabetic doing the best for me as life in monitoring the diabetes and researching what is in fact supportive for the body through what we consume, and not demonizing one food or the next as it is shown that all food types are essential, it is only what we as humanity have produced that has become fucked up as our starting point is fucked up = money, self-interest and profit

I commit myself to support an equal money system where the value in life is life itself and where life will then be truly supported to prosper and where actual cures will be produced because the goal will no longer be money but quality of life equally lived throughout the globe

I commit myself in supporting myself as life in doing what is best for me in monitoring the sugar levels and doing the best that I can in each breath here to care, not manage, but care for myself as a diabetic, and in this establish an effective communication with/as the body of/as what it needs to support itself through removing the mental distraction and sticking in breath."