Post from http://paulsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/06/day-55-diabetes.html
"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there will be a cure for diabetes in the coming years because when I was diagnosed I was told that in my lifetime there will be a cure, in this hoping for a cure and not effectively investigating the cause of diabetes through going through my life and seeing what exactly triggered it and how I created it as myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put faith in a cure when diabetes is a $90 billion a year industry, and within the capitalistic system, where profit is the goal of the game of money, the companies who manufactures diabetes medicines, machines and tools are not willing to let go of that money in order to support a cure - so goes with all disease and illness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system wherein as a child we are bombarded with images on commercials showing happy, outgoing, cartoon characters that are the logos and mascots for high sugar cereals, wherein we as children connect these images to what we want because of the imagery within the commercials, only with consideration for profit and not the quality of life that the child lives as most children then end up becoming addicted to sugar without knowing it, and live their lives consuming foods that they were programmed to consume as a child
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system wherein the only consideration of value in this life is profit, allowing companies to justify feeding people sugary food that has no real support for the body, only support for profit, so that the companies can make profit and support the capitalistic system
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system wherein there are governmental institutions that regulate food, that are supposed to regulate food, but only have the real consideration for/as money, because if they actually had consideration for/as life within the food that we consume many of the products on the shelves would not exist
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a corrupt system where the only value is money allowing ourselves to feed ourselves and to be fed mass amounts of sugar to keep us happy wherein we are not ever told to consider what we put into our body and the biochemistry that happens within the body when we consume what we consume with consideration of what is best for life as the body and physical well being of ourselves
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support diabetes research funding that says that they are researching for a cure for both types of diabetes when really they are only creating new ways of monitoring diabetes for further profit within the capitalistic system and burying opportunities to find cures
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to realize that there already have been cures that have been reported in underground news but have been suppressed by the medicine giants that rake in billions a year from diabetics showing that there will only ever be real medicine as cures when life is valued within a new economic system that stops they interplay of money and value and profit, and gives money equally to everyone, where all are haves, and life is valued equally throughout the planet in equality and oneness, where life becomes equally dignified.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put trust and faith in doctors and medicine to support me as life when in this game of money the only thing that they really care about is if I have money to support myself as life and they do not in fact care about myself as life at all or the doctors who really understand medicine would have supported a cure and not further monitoring devices and tools in which diabetics are dependent on for the rest of their lives.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that diabetes was caused due to an `auto-immune` disease, wherein the cause is easily defined without actual investigation as to exactly why and how I ended up creating diabetes within myself, or why and how the immune system started to attack the pancreas, in what and how I lived before having diabetes that lead to me being diagnosed with diabetes = what triggered diabetes within the body, and how to solve that problem.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am my body in fact and only through the mind have I separated myself from the body as life and through allowing myself to be programmed into/as this world in accepting and allowing the system within and without did I accept myself as separation of/as the body, not realizing that I am able to communicate with the body in equality and oneness when/as standing equal and one to the body in all ways where I communicate using breath and being here as me as life in self-awareness as the body as the breath as all the inner workings of the body in equality and oneness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going through life with diabetes because of the constant necessity in having to manage diabetes throughout my entire life, and have to deal with the consequences if I do not manage it correctly as well wherein I am able to lose limbs, go blind, have the kidney's fail due to improper management of diabetes and in this fear of going through life with diabetes, fear seeing the evidence that I am not taking good care of myself as a diabetic through high blood sugar readings and in this fear not test but only go from how I physically feel allowing myself to compromise myself further and in this want to end my existence here because of the suffering I believe I will go through, instead of allowing myself to become a test subject of how and why diabetes manifests within the body so that I am able to support a cure as that is what I would like for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that there is something completely fucking wrong with diabetes when I can test on two different meters and get two different blood test results using the same drop of blood wherein one will say that I am low when I am not and one will say that I am fine, causing one to believe if one were using the mis-calibrated machine since the start of diabetes that one is low when in fact one is not and that the blood sugar is fine when it is not, which end up causing more issues within the body of diabetics which further cost money to correct which in turn fuels the capitalistic system more
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust this world will take care of me because I am a diabetic and I need the insulin to live, not realizing that this world does not In fact give a fuck about life, it only cares if I have the money in which to further support this system, and that it will only care about me if I generate money, in this not realizing that some people have to pay outrageous amounts of money to get the supplies that they need because they do not have coverage for the supplied that they need to LIVE and in this lack of having coverage for the supplies, compromise themselves through using needles over and over again until they can no longer be used, which causes further problems, not test as often as they should to effectively monitor their blood sugar which causes more problem that inevitably lead to paying more money to correct or develop the ability to live with the problems
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a system wherein if one does not have money to support oneself as life then one is left to die and starve in this world, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to state `this is North America, we don't allow this to happen to people` when we are in fact absolutely responsible for the starvation across the world, and absolutely responsible for the poverty even within our own borders, and that we only give a fuck about a person if they first have money, as shown through the stigma of/as being a bum
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a system where life is not supported in any way what so every shown through the food that is accepted and allowed to be consumed by the human wherein it creates detrimental effects to the physical body and wherein the cause of such diseases relating from such diets is only said to have been caused by auto-immune deficiencies and that the bodies are to blame, not taking into consideration the diets that have been supported where everything of the physical is not taken into consideration of what is best for the physical, the only thing that is taken into consideration is money and sex where diets are supported for money and people go on diets to become slim and get sex
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that something is fucked up in this world where we allow children to eat food that we as adults would never allow ourselves to eat because of the high sugar content, and yet we allow ourselves to go out to a store and buy these products for kids because they are `for` kids, not realizing that the child has a body that is equal and one to as our bodies as physical life and it works in the same properties wherein it becomes programmed into/as a pattern through/as the input that is placed within it, allowing myself to be irresponsible at effectively raising a child in this world and in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the child is equal and one to me and must be supported in the same way with food as I support my body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when/as I consume fructose the liver breaks it down into a poison basically and that the only thing that is able to be consumed that has fructose in it are fruits because they have the fibre necessary to support the break down of fructose, making fruit drinks, that which have been programmed and supported as good, the worst thing that can be consumed as it is basically injecting poison into the body, because the fruit drinks do not have the fibre within them, only the sugar and juice of the fruit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow a system where disease and illness are not supported with cures and where the diseases and illnesses are purposely supported within the system in order to generate more money, in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that we are humans are absolutely evil because money is only the tools in which we use to express ourselves and we are evil in using money, in this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the human must undergo extensive change in order to ever be life itself instead of the destruction that it has become now.
I commit myself to show this world as a diabetic how fucked up the system has become wherein diabetes is actually supported in this world through diet structures and the foods that we consume as children and eventually become addicted to
I commit myself to live as an example of what can become of ourselves if we allow ourselves to eat what we want when we want, wherein I now fight with heaven every day where heaven tries to take me from this existence and only through the injections and management of the body do I delay the movement into/as heaven
I commit myself to standing in this world system as support for life in supporting myself as life as being a diabetic doing the best for me as life in monitoring the diabetes and researching what is in fact supportive for the body through what we consume, and not demonizing one food or the next as it is shown that all food types are essential, it is only what we as humanity have produced that has become fucked up as our starting point is fucked up = money, self-interest and profit
I commit myself to support an equal money system where the value in life is life itself and where life will then be truly supported to prosper and where actual cures will be produced because the goal will no longer be money but quality of life equally lived throughout the globe
I commit myself in supporting myself as life in doing what is best for me in monitoring the sugar levels and doing the best that I can in each breath here to care, not manage, but care for myself as a diabetic, and in this establish an effective communication with/as the body of/as what it needs to support itself through removing the mental distraction and sticking in breath."